Top Baby Names 2012

The top 10 girls names for 2012 were:
1. Amelia
2. Lily
3. Emily
4. Sophia
5. Isabelle
6. Sophie
7. Olivia
8. Jessica
9. Chloe
10. Mia

For boys, the top 10 are:
1. Harry
2. Jack
3. Oliver
4. Charlie
5. James
6. George
7. Thomas
8. Ethan
9. Jacob
10. William

Jamie was at number 47, Noah was at 14 and Elliot was at number 50

www.netmums.com/pregnancy/baby-names-buys-and-rights/the-most-popular-baby-names-in-2012?

Christmas Party 2012

Booked the large church hall (and use of the kitchen) this year from 5pm – 8pm with half an hour either way for setting up and clearing away.  Myself and Kerry contacted all those who attended last year – plus a few others - via text and an ‘invite only’ event on Facebook a few days after our Halloween party.  Although we obviously could not invite all our (joint) friends, we did try to invite children of similar ages who would have at least a few friends there on the night.

Because of the expense of the hall hire and the bouncy castle (total of £96.50), in the original text and Facebook invitation we asked for a donation of £5 from each family. To break even we worked out we needed 19 families to contribute.

Of the initial invites, we had only one family that was unable to attend.  Nearer to the date, Jamie invited two of his friends from Nursery, and Kerry invited three other families; whose children were close in age to her daughters. 

FOOD AND DRINK
Everyone was asked to bring some food and their own drink . After we had a list, we then allocated foodstuffs to attendee’s i.e. Jo – Tea, Coffee, Sugar, milk, Becci – Pringles, Crisps.  As per last years party, I think the food that was brought was just about right. We opened it all up as soon as we got there and just had a ‘running’ buffet’.  I had asked for contributions of paper plates, napkins etc and, although they weren't necessarily matching, it saved on the washing up!

















BOUNCY CASTLE
Once again we asked www.bendysbouncers.com/ to bring their ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ castle.

COLOURING TABLE
I got some super Christmas pictures from www.netmums.com  which I was then able to photocopy, and took along Jamie's box of felt tips.

DECORATIONS
Although the church hall was decorated, we took along some more tinsel, some fibre optic Christmas trees to put on tables, and a couple of strings of Christmas lights. We also took a lighting box to put disco lights on the wall.  And don't forget the balloons.  Unfortunately, Noah didn't like them and go very upset everytime one burst!!

MUSIC AND LIGHTS
Prior to the party I put together a dedicated ‘Christmas mix’ with lots of party tunes and a few Christmas songs onto my phone.  I plugged my phone into one of daddy’s amps and so there was music for us to dance to.   It didn't matter that not everyone danced - me and Auntie Chrissie had a good boogie!!

GOODIE BAGS
A big Thank You to Vicki who did some fantastic goodie bags for all the children.  They were wonderful.  She included Christmas crackers, pencils, rubbers, balloons, a bouncy ball, Reindeer food, Christmas tattoos, lots of chocolate, and even a hand written Christmas card from Santa.

COST
We did not have the 'break even' total of 19 families, but I feel that may have been too many. In total we had 19 children and 27 adults who turned up on the night.  We had four families who cancelled on the night due to illness, but it was nice that these still sent along their £5 contribution. Kerry and Becci contributed £10 and I didn't mind putting up the short fall which was about £30.

WILL WE DO IT AGAIN NEXT YEAR?

Not sure.  Jamie (and a lot of his pals) will have started school by then and may have a fuller social life and a completely different set of pals.  Watch this space....

We Love Christmas!!

Christmas this year has been truly magical. We have done so many things with Jamie and he has loved (almost) every minute of it. The look in his eyes and his excitement at everything has made it wonderful and brought back the feelings from Christmas past when we were children.

This photo was taken at Jamie's visit to Santa at Nursery as part of the Pre-School party.  It was a lot more successful than his Nativity, so mummy and daddy were glad they made the effort to pick him up together. The smile on his face was wonderful!  It is somehow sad to think that this time next year he will be at school.  My little boy will have grown up.....

Joining In

Just lately a couple of the staff at pre-school have said how Jamie is coming out of his shell (except for the nativity of course but I think that was probably due to his cough more than anything else!) and we have certainly found that at home.

He continues to exist at 100 miles an hour when fully awake and can be a bit mardy when sleepy; either before bed or just after waking up.  But it is his interaction with the television that has recently started.  The character Tree Fu Tom does a number of moves to turn the magic on and Jamie will now get off the sofa to join in.  He also joins in with the Groovy Moves on Show Me, Show Me and the other night got out of bed (where we were watching it) to pretend to be a slug!!

He has also started singing along to the songs; especially on I Can Cook; although he still doesn't like mummy singing along.  He has however, loved mummy singing Christmas tunes at bed time, and keeps asking for me to play Santa Claus is Coming to Town on the stereo, so we can sing and dance along!!

Yesterday we went to Harry's 4th party; who we met at Baby Signing.  Jamie was very clingy to start with (having just woke up) but by the end was having a whale of a time.  However, he would not go on their bouncy castle.  I suspect that this was because there were an awful lot of children he did not know on it!   They had The Music Man as entertainment (who is doing the Nursery party) and after a slow start Jamie joined in with the music and games.  He loved throwing the balls off the parachute to Nellie the Elephant!!

"I don't want a......"

....Thomas Train Set now mummy".

Arrrhhhhh!!  What do I do now?

(Luckily, the next day, he wanted one again!)

Pre-School Concert...

Daddy left work early and mummy arranged to go into work late so that they could see Jamie in his pre-school concert this morning.

Unfortunately, it was a bit of a wash out, as Jamie really did not want to do it, which meant mummy had to sit at the front with Jamie and the other children, while daddy sat on his own.   After a few songs from the other children and nothing but tears from Jamie, he started to say (very) loudly "I want to go home."   Mummy and Jamie went and sat in the nursery - which was less than pleasant as someone had just been sick - and waited til the concert was over.  Daddy was left clapping at other peoples children.

Mummy didn't really want to leave Jamie at pre-school after that, but she said goodbye and went off to work.  When she picked him up, Jamie was as happy as could be, so she need not have worried. 

Just worried now that he isn't going to want to take part in the X factor when he is older!!

Cough in Pocket

Had to laugh this week, as one morning (as he was getting better) Jamie coughed into his hand and said "Put in my pocket".  Then proceeded to put his hand (and his cough) into his pocket.    Very funny!!

Jamie still loves his teddies

Perhaps he is 'soft' as they would have said in the old days, but Jamie still loves all his teddies and of course loves cuddling them.  His favourite (at the moment) is Lion - who he calls Felix - who we got from Yorkshire Wildlife Park.  Prior to that it was Polar Bear. 

Of course Elephant and Bear-Bear both disappeared and he still talks about them.  They have an elephant (the same) at Nursery who Jamie likes to cuddle when he is there.  

Now that the Christmas box is down, all the Christmas teddies are out and Jamie loves collecting them from around the house and playing with them altogether.  His favourite game is pretending Rudolph and Felix are pulling Santa on his sleigh.   But his favourite game of all, is still to cuddle up in bed with mummy and daddy with a teddy or two, thumb in mout,h with someone reading him a story.   This is mummy's (and probably daddy's) favourite game as well. We are truly lucky to have Jamie.

Poor Little Baby...

After all the excitement of Sundown, Jamie then came down with one of his colds.   He was suffering a bit at Sundown but didn't want to leave.  It was only because mummy had a cold back that we did.  I am sure Jamie and daddy would have stayed there all night if I had let them!!

He was up most of Tuesday night with a cough and Wednesday morning I knew nursery would not take him as his cough sounded awful!  As the day went on, he seemed to get worse.

Wednesday, Jamie never really got out of bed, and mummy spent most of the day reading in the bed next to him as he didn't like it if mummy left him.  At night, mummy struggled to find much to do as Jamie then wanted the light off.

Daddy slept on the sofa due to the noise, but just after midnight mummy woke him up as Jamie was burning up and he seemed to have trouble breathing.  His temperature was 38.5, so not overly serious, but after daddy reassured her that he was ok, mummy sat with a flannel on Jamie's forehead; which seemed to help.   

All this meant that mummy had to apply for Carers Leave for Wednesday afternoon.  Thursday, Nana came and sat with Jamie, rather than taking him back to hers, as it was so cold outside and Jamie was so sleepy.  He just spent the afternoon on the sofa.  On Friday, he was better, but still had the cough, so luckily Nana looked after him again and mummy managed to leave work early!!

On Saturday, Jamie had been invited to a party at "Noah from Nursery's" house.  His cough was still pretty bad, so we decided not to send him for the sake of the other children.  Noah's mum sent a text in the afternoon to say that in the end, Noah had been sick just after everyone arrived, and so that had kinda ended the party anyway!!

There's a lot of it about....

Santa Special 2012

Even with Jamie's cough, we couldn't miss the Santa Special this year; especially as cousin Noah and 'the girls' were there!!     

We all wrapped up very warm, had three rides on the trains and had a nice cup of tea and a mince pie.  And don't forget the visit to see Santa, and get a present!  Wonderful!! 

 

Santa at Sundown

I cannot recommend the Sundown Christmas experience highly enough. 

Other than the wintry weather and the cold that Jamie is suffering with today, it was wonderful. 

The picture tells the story:

www.sundownadventureland.co.uk

First School Trip

Monday, Jamie went on his first school trip.  It was only across Hykeham from his nursery to Ling Moor School, but the nursery had hired a bus to take the 32 children, so it was all a big adventure.  I asked Jamie if he had sat with Archie or Joseph (his two big pals) but he said he had sat next to Zoe on the bus.

Park had been invited by the school to attend their Nativity play.  Jamie said he saw someone dressed as Santa and there were no reports of his screaming at 'someone dressed up'.  In fact, I was told that he behaved very well and stayed seated throughout the play.

I think it helped that Jamie has visited the school a couple of times previously -as this is the school we have put at the top of our school choices for 2013.

School Application Completed!!

.....and gone.  

Just got to wait until April 2013 to find out if we have been successful.

Fingers Crossed.......

The Tree is Up!!

Cousin Lucy came over the weekend and although it is not December for a few more days yet, we have our tree and decorations up! 
Their visit was all the excuse I needed. 

Jamie and Lucy loved getting all the tinsel, lights, tree's and other decorations out of the boxes - and spreading them all over the house - but it was a lovely night!

It has to be said that Jamie and Lucy played wonderfully over the weekend.  There was hardly an argument at all - other than the odd tearful complaint that someone 'wasn't sharing'.  And of course they both got to 'jump on Daddy and uncle Dean' and their bedtime (Christmas) stories from me!

On the Sunday we paid our yearly pilgrimage to the Bauble Barn www.doddingtonhall.com/bauble-barn.php to purchase yet more lights and decorations.  Unfortunately they had not started selling their trees as yet so Jamie and Lucy could not play 'Gruffalo' like they did last year.  They did however, find a lovely pile of leaves to run back and forth through - which seemed to keep them very busy!!

After the Bauble Barn, we met up with Nanna Grace; along with auntie Tracy, uncle Jack, new baby cousin Laura and Alannah at The White Hart to celebrate Nanna's 92 birthday.  Uncle Michael, auntie Hannah and cousin Noah also popped in for a drink, so it had something of a party atmosphere.  Just don't mention the broken lamp....

A wonderful start to Christmas!!  

Discipline.....

Further to my recent entries on Raising Boys and Mardy Moo, Bounty had this to say regarding Discipline:

What is discipline?
Discipline may conjure up images of telling offs but in reality it’s about setting boundaries for behaviour. The way kids learn is they do stuff, we react to it and they learn what not to do. If there is no reaction from you, they won’t learn anything, warns Gill Hines, author of the parenting book, Its Not Fair (Piatkus books).  Don’t try to be their best friend and /or feel they won’t like you if you say no. Discipline is not a dirty word and it won’t squash who they are.

What’s the right age to start introducing discipline?
It’s never too early to start setting boundaries for rules and behaviour, says Gill. From the age of three years old children can start to understand why for instance they shouldn’t run into the road, or push another child. However, warns Gill, People now feel a good parent always reasons and talks about problems at length but with young children reasoning doesn’t work, they don’t understand and if you have a long conversation about it they will stop listening. For effective discipline Gill suggests, keeping language simple, clear and explanations short.

Here are a few discipline techniques for your 3-5 year old:

Naughty step
The naughty step (or a time out area) is a place where a child can be put when she has broken a rule or boundary to reflect on her behaviour. How it works:
•You warn your child when he does something wrong that if he does it again he’ll have to sit on the naughty step or go into time out.
•If he repeats the behaviour, you place him in the area for a set time (usually one minute for every year of his age).
•After the time is over, you sit down with him and explain why you put him there, ask him to apologise, give him a cuddle and then move on.

Reward charts
Reward charts work by parents choosing behaviours that their child needs to work on. For each instance of good behaviour the child will receive a sticker or mark on the chart, and at the end of the week a reward of some kind. Reward charts work best with children who are aged three years and older as they are beginning to understand which behaviours are acceptable and which are not.

Positive discipline
This is about giving them lots of approval when they are behaving well. Children really want your approval and attention, says Gill, but the reality is when a kid is behaving well, playing by themselves or watching TV, parents tend to go off and do something that needs to be done, so kids then have to do something bad to get attention. It’s instinctive behaviour that all children, get driven too.

How to discipline your 3-5 year old
1.  Set clear boundaries of what’s acceptable and what’s not acceptable. These should be constant. For instance, hitting siblings/throwing food/pushing another child is always wrong.
2.  Always implement a consequence for a broken boundary. Perhaps disapproval, time out, or the naughty step (see above).
3.  Make sure your child needs to know this consequence in advance. For example: ‘If you hit your sister again, you will go on the naughty step.’
4.  Be consistent about implementing your rules/boundaries, otherwise your child will soon learn not to take you seriously.
5.  Make sure your rules are followed when you’re not around by speaking to your child’s nursery or childcare provider and grandparents.

http://www.bounty.com/toddler/parenting/firm-but-fair-discipline-and-your-3-5-year-old?

No Bag to Nursey...

Recently we had a newsletter from nursery asking that - because of space issues - only children who require nappy changing, or are toilet training, should take a bag in with spare clothes etc.

I have always packed Jamie's bag up each morning and re-checked it every night when he returns to ensure he has sufficient clothes etc.  Admittedly I have hardly touched his bag in the last few weeks (possibly since he started pre-school) as there have been no 'little accidents'. 

So today I sent him off with his wellies in a carrier bag and his coat - with his gloves and hat tucked in the pockets.

Lets home we won't regret leaving his bag at home!!

Mardy Moo!!

Met Harry and his mum Karen for a playdate at The Fun Farm on Tuesday; which is always a brilliant afternoon.  The only problem to begin with was the large (stuffed) bear standing by the entrance which Jamie was not happy about at all.  And he made me promise there was 'no one dressed up' inside. 

But once past the bear, Jamie and Harry were soon running about like maniacs - except when it came to taking it in turns....

In the Fun Farm there is a large ball pool with a 'fountain' in the middle that the children can fill with balls and then press a button to release them all into the air!  This is great fun - unless one of the children is hogging the button.  Unfortunately this child happened to be mine, and so I had to tell him off.

This had the effect of Jamie running off in what can only be described as a 'strop'.  I watched him run off and saw him go into the pirate ship.  I then watched as he plonked himself  in the top bit looking very sorry for himself.  After about 10 minutes - of me constantly checking to make sure I could still see him - I went out and waved at him.  He slowly walked back to us in the ball pool - where I was sat with my arms out for him to give me a great big cuddle.

He wasn't as mardy after his cuddle, but he was still less than happy to wait his turn,

But Jamie and Harry definitely left good friends with party invitations exchanged!

The Saga of Grace...

A few weeks ago, Jamie was telling daddy that him and some of the others boys would not let Grace into their house (actually a large cardboard box).  Daddy told Jamie that they shouldn't be so naughty and should let Grace play with them if she wanted.

I spoke to one of the ladies at pre-school this week about this conversation and it turns out that Grace is the one who doesn't let the boys play!

Went home and had a chat with Jamie who tells us Grace is often on the naughty step.  We asked whether he had ever been on the naughty step but Jamie replied he was a 'good boy'.

Lets hope so!!

Raising Boys: Rough and Tumble Games

Came home Tuesday night after a few hours out of the house to find daddy and Jamie wrestling in the hallway.....

Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph 1998 (Finch Publishing) also discusses rough and tumble games.  Steve Biddulph says; There's a unique father behaviour that has been observed all over the world.  Dads (along with big brothers, uncles and others) love to wrestle and play rough and tumble games with little boys.

For a long time nobody understood why this was so - especially mothers, who are usually trying to calm things down while dads seem likely to stir them up all over again! 

But its been found that what boys are learning in 'rough and tumble' is an essential lesson for all males; how to be able to have fun, get noisey, even get angry and, at the same time, know when to stop. 

For a male, living with testosterone, this is vital.  If you live in a male body, you have to learn how to drive it.

Raising Boys: Testosterone

Following the article at: http://grumpymumtobe.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/bringing-up-boys.html I ordered Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph 1998 (Finch Publishing) from the library.

Steve Biddulph believes there are 3 stages of boyhood; birth to six, six to fourteen and fourteen to adult.

A lot of the book is of no relevance to Jamie at the moment but I was interested to read about boys and testosterone.  He writes; 'at the age of four, for reasons nobody quite understands, boys receive a sudden surge of testosterone - doubling their blood levels.  At this age, little Jamie (his choice of name!) may become much more interested in action, heroics, adventures and vigourous play.

At five years of age, the testosterone level drops by a half, and young Jamie calms down again, just in time for school!  Enough testosterone is still around for him to be interested in activity, adventure and exploration, but not especially in girls.

Somewhere between the ages of eleven and thirteen, the levels start to rise sharply again.  Eventually they will increase by some 800% over the levels of toddlerhood.  The result is a sudden growth and elongation of his arms and legs - so much that his whole nervous system has to rewire itself.  In about 50% of boys, the testosterone levels are so high that some converts into oestrogen, and breast swelling and tenderness may be experienced.  This is nothing to worry about.

The reorganisation of Jamie's brain, caused by the rapid growth, makes him dopey and disorganised for many months.  If Jamie's parents know this is all part of puberty and take a relaxed, if vigilant, attitude then things should work out just fine.'

Another Day, Another School Visit

After visiting our favourite school with Nicola and Will last week, I told them about another open day taking place at a school just outside our town boundary.   The mother of Jamie's friend Harry, from Baby Signing, is a teacher there, and she had told us about it.  As Nicola and Will wanted to have a look around, we decided to go with them - just for a look!

I was glad that Jamie and I did join them for the afternoon.  It was a lovely school and it certainly deserves its good reputation.  We were shown around by one of the school governors who certainly knew his stuff. 

While looking round we saw a couple of Jamie's friends.  I do worry that he won't know anyone at his chosen school, but then I don't know where any of his friends parents have decided on as yet.  I have exchanged so many text messages with other mummy's on this subject, but I can't choose a school just because his friends are going there!!

Other than being quite a distance from our house (although not a million miles away) the other worry I had with this particular school was the fact that the infants and juniors are separate schools.  The only thing that links them (according to the governor) is the boiler.  This means that we would have to apply to attend the junior school once Jamie got to the final year of infants.  I don't suppose this would be too much of a problem, but the junior school has a different headmaster, board of governor's, and possibly an entirely different philosophy!!

Pre-School Injections

What a brave boy!!

But what a horrible afternoon.  Left work early and met daddy and Jamie.  A friend had suggested giving Jamie Calpol before the injection so daddy had given him two spoonfuls before leaving the house.

It wasn't one injection but two - one in each arm (MMR (L) and DTap/IPV (R) - it says here).

Jamie spotted the needle just as the nurse was going to put it into his arm.  This meant he flinched and she ended up scratching him.  She then had to actually inject him, and then do the other arm.  He wanted a plaster for the scratch, but would not have a plaster for the second injection. 

There is nothing worse than seeing your child in distress.  I hated every minute of it and was glad daddy had come along so he could hold Jamie tight.  I tried not to look as distressed as I was - at least for Jamie's sake and was so glad once it was over.

We all needed a boost after all that, so drove to McDonalds for a Happy Meal.  Trouble was Jamie was asleep before we got home.  Must have been all that Calpol! 

We put him to bed just after 5pm.  Mummy got into bed with him and caught up with some reading.  After such a stressful day it was nice to have some 'me' time.  Jamie did wake up later asking for mummy and daddy and his Happy Meal!!  Lots of cuddles for everyone.....

Return School Visit

Yesterday we went back for a return visit to the larger of the two schools we are considering.   This time we went during the school day and took Jamie, and his friend Will, and mum Nicola, came along as well.  For them this was the first school they have visited, so for them this school will be their benchmark against any others that they visit.

For us, we just wanted to see how Jamie felt.  And he seemed to like it.  In some classrooms it was difficult to get him out as he was playing with the toys and other props.  For mummy and daddy the tour - this time with the deputy head - only added to the good feeling that we had gained on the open evening.  So it looks like we have made a decision.

Having said all this, there is an open day next week for another school in the locality that so far we have not considered....

Counted Backwards!!

In bed with Jamie last night and we were reading lots of stories; Room on the Broom, Cats Ahoy, a couple of the Postman Pat books, etc. when Jamie started counting backwards from 10.  I don't know what set him off - we weren't looking at the numbers book - but he did 10 to 3 very quickly, and very quietly.  I asked him to do it again and, with a little prompting, managed 10 down to 1.

Very proud!!

Superman!!

Jamie had two nights without mummy and daddy this weekend.  It wasn't planned that way, but ages ago mummy and daddy bought tickets to see Comedian Sean Hughes on the Friday night (who was brilliant) and then shortly after that they were invited to a wedding reception on the Saturday.

This meant that Nana came to sit with Jamie Friday night and then Jamie had a sleepover at Nana's on Saturday.  Prior to taking him to Nana's on Saturday night though, we went to a firework party at cousin Noah's.  I had originally said we would not go as it would be too much for all of us, but I am glad I made the effort as Jamie (and mummy) had a great time.  We left early (after some lovely fireworks) and mummy did a quick change before dropping Jamie off at Nana's.  He was still hyper after the party but Nana said he soon dropped off and other than his usual kicking about in bed was very well behaved.

Sunday morning we picked him up just after 10am and went to get some shopping.  While we were at Asda we saw some dressing up outfits.  I had been looking for a fireman outfit for him, but instead came away with a Superman outfit.  At nursery they have recently been playing 'superheros' and while we were out shopping the other day Jamie actually put his coat around his neck - a la cape.  Its amazing how these toddler traits go from generation to generation. 

When we got back home Jamie put his outfit on straightaway and Dale found some clips on the Internet from the Superman films.  The only worry now, is that he thinks he can actually fly when he has his cape on.  Thank goodness we live in a bungalow!!

“Being” as an Alternative to “Doing”

“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.”
― Eckhart Tolle

New research on the brain in the past 10 years has shed a light on how much past experience and the desire to avoid pain shapes our brain pathways. Our brains were designed first and foremost to help us survive and pass on our genes, and therefore have automatic negative biases and orientations towards danger. We automatically scan our worlds for past mistakes we dare not repeat, and future threats we try desperately to avoid and prepare to deal with. In so doing, we lose touch with present-moment experience and limit our abilities to spontaneously experience positive states such as joy, connection, and love. Teaching ourselves to focus on the present moment can train our brain pathways towards more deliberate and positive experiencing.

Savor the Moment!
John Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction therapy suggests that our brains operate primarily in “Doing” Mode. We actively use our minds to solve problems, make plans, anticipate obstacles, evaluate how far we are from desired goals and choose between alternatives by judging their relative value. While “Doing” mode is extremely useful for helping us advance in our careers, be popular, lose weight, and a myriad of other life tasks, it falls short when it comes to managing emotions. Emotions cannot be reasoned away or “solved” and evaluating how far we are from feeling as happy as we’d like to feel only makes us feel worse. This type of thinking can actually exacerbate “sad” emotions by introducing a second layer in which we criticize or judge ourselves for being sad. “Doing” mode also doesn’t work when there is nothing we can do to change the situation. We may desperately want to be married, rich, loved, or successful, but we cannot force these outcomes to happen right away, even with the best of efforts. “Doing" mode can also lead to disheartening comparisons with people we feel are doing better than us and ruminations of why we are not where they are.

Now, nobody is suggesting that we give up “Doing” mode altogether. If this were the case, we would never even find our keys to get out the front door. However, there is another way of being that many of us are not even aware of, and that is “Being” Mode. Unlike its counterpart, “Being” mode is not action-oriented, evaluative, or future-focused. It involves slowing down our minds and deliberately grounding ourselves by focusing on what we are experiencing right now. In "Being” mode, it is okay to just be us, whatever we happen to be experiencing; we do not try to change our thoughts or emotions into more positive ones or shut out aspects of our experience. Rather, we begin to develop a different relationship with our own senses, bodily states and emotions by deliberately focusing on what they are trying to tell us and allowing ourselves to be compassionately open to these messages.

“Being” mode involves accepting what is, because it will be there anyway. We begin to release energy, relax, and let go of the struggle to mould our reality into our preconceived ideas of what it should be. We begin to let go of judgments and regrets about the past and fear of the future. Rather than berating ourselves for not achieving the status in life we think we deserve or are entitled to, we allow ourselves to look fully and open-mindedly at where we are. Eventually we realize that this may not be so bad. We learn to extend love, compassion, and kindness to ourselves, and everything around us, rather than compartmentalizing reality into “good” and “bad,” or “winners” and “losers.” We are all infinitely more complex than what we earn or own; we are lovable and interesting, just by being human. This moment is just this moment and not where we are stuck forever. Ironically, by accepting the present, we open up space for internal and external movement and change.

Learning to Be Present With Yourself: The Power of Living an Engaged Life by Melanie A. Greenberg
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201204/learning-be-present-yourself

Halloween Party 2012

Looks like this is going to be a yearly event.  People seem to just expect it of us.  This year we even re-introduced the fireworks element!!

Taking note of previous parties, see: http://grumpymumtobe.blogspot.co.uk/2011/10/happy-halloween.html and http://grumpymumtobe.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/pirate-party.html we decided to stick to the usual Halloween food - hot dogs and mushy peas with mint sauce.  Cobbs brought some chilli and more hot dogs, nana brought some pumpkin soup and there was plenty of cakes and crisps brought as well!  I didn't buy many sweets this year as I was conscious of Jamie's teeth and him not really liking them, but it seems he may be in the minority, as the morning after there were sweet wrappers (and cheese puffs) everywhere.  Lots of paper plates and cups made the washing up easier and I used Jamie's plastic pirate tablecloth to reduce the mess.

Prior to the party we had to make sure the garden was child friendly and spent last weekend sorting out the garden, the shed and the garage; putting away a lot of the summer items, cleaning all Jamie's outdoor toys and generally clearing out and away.  Daddy bought some new black wall units for the garage so that he could get most things off the floor and away.  Then he started on the transformation....

I did go in during the week and suggest it might need toning down for the 3 year olds, but he still managed to scare them.  Even Jamie refused to go in at first!  Forgot to use the bubble machine and there has been a request for a new smoke machine as it was felt this would have added to the spooky atmosphere, but no one said it didn't feel like Halloween!!

The house was tame by comparison with lots of Halloween balloons and orange and black tinsel as well as my new pumpkin lights and the 'Trick or Treat' sign we bought at Butlins a few weeks ago!  Kerry and the girls brought a carved pumpkin which we had in the garden.  I bought a fantastic 3 CD Halloween collection for the party and we had one disc playing in the dining room and one on in the garage.

I did (once again) buy a multi pack of toilet rolls to play the 'mummy' game but the children seemed to organise themselves quite happily on Jamie's park and in Jamie's room.  For those that braved daddy's garage there was some dancing and glow sticks!  I had printed off some Halloween pictures for them to colour in if bored, but these did not get used until Sunday morning.

We had 23 people attend altogether; 13 adults and 10 children.  Glad to say most of them came in fancy dress!!  Again, it took ages for some of the adults to get ready; what with all their make up.  Poor old Jamie got told off after I found he had scribbled felt pen over his face.  But he was only copying daddy, uncle Dean and auntie Chrissie.

We weren't going to have fireworks but after someone suggested it we did buy a few, as well as some sparklers - which everyone loved!!   Jack started a fire; which was well needed with some of daddy's rubbish from the garden, but it still wasn't enough to keep us all warm once the sun had gone down.  Seeing as there had been snow on the garden first thing however, it could have been a lot colder!  But the weather was rather cold and not many made it to the end of the fireworks.  The little ones were inside watching Peppa Pig soon after the sparklers. 

Thank god we turned the clocks back the next day.  Lucy and Jamie were still up early but at least we had an extra hour to clean up!  And then we all relaxed watching Carry On Screaming.

Daddy has already started planning next years party....

Jamie hasn't realised the clocks have changed....

Still up at the crack of dawn - 5.45am this morning!

Primary School Decision Changed??

Oh no, still confused..... 

I am honestly having sleepless nights.  I have been waking in the night with thoughts of schools and Jamie's little face next to mine (but that's because he is still in our bed!)

For a couple of days following my last entry regarding our school decision http://grumpymumtobe.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/primary-school-decision-made.html  I was happy.  Then daddy started to put doubts into my mind.....

Consequently, we have decided to go back to the second (bigger) school on the list and have booked an appointment to take Jamie around next Tuesday.  I went out with a friend this week whose two children already go there and I was impressed at what she had to say.  I also know that she thought long and hard about where she was going to send them and visited more schools that we have so far.  And I keep going back to the 'feeling' I had from that school on the open evening.....

Perhaps the small, friendly school is too small and could get unfriendly very quickly.  The more I think about the parents that were helping out that day, the more I wonder whether we would really fit in and if we don't what happens then?  A few people have mentioned to me that they thought the school was a bit 'snobby' and one parent with her children already there said it could be a bit 'clicky'.

I also wonder that with a small school, Jamie could end up being singled out for something and having that tag all the way through school.....

Also, is it good that two (small) year groups are taught together, with a total of only 5 classes in the whole school.   At least at the bigger school if classes are merged it is because of ability rather than necessity! 

And don't get me started on the Ofsted results.  Yes, I have checked them for all the local schools so I do know how they all compare with each other.  It's just another factor to get confused about.  Just going for a long lie down in a dark room.

Let it be noted...

.......that at 12:48pm on Wednesday 24th October 2012, Jamie Simpson's bedroom was clean and tidy with everything in its place!

Taking bets on how long it will last...

Monster Toddler......

.......and its not even Halloween!

What a day!!  Jamie has been carrying around his Ben and Holly party invitation ever since Sophie sent it to him.  When I announced to him this morning that today was the day of the party he was really excited.  Mummy was looking forward to it as well, as she had not seen Sophie's mum and dad for ages and there was lots to catch up on!!

However, after loading the car with bags and presents and mummies camera, and driving the 20 minutes to the sports centre; when we got there, Jamie refused to stay.   He just walked into the gymnasium where it was being held and then ran out.

I tried a number of times to get him to go back in.  Carrying him, dragging him, being nice, being nasty, but to no avail.  The tears were streaming down his face and he truly was distraught.  We went back to sit in the car and calm down, but even then I could not get him to go back into the party.  So we went home.

When me and daddy asked him why he wouldn't stay, he said it was "Too loud".  Later on he said it was "not a pirate bouncy castle".  Good job we have got that one for the Christmas party!!

Primary School Decision Made?

Confused and exhausted, but I think we have made our decision about which school we are going to apply to for Jamie to start next September.  

We saw the (final) two schools today on our list, and were certainly impressed with the one this morning.  It had a lot in common with the larger of the two we saw last week - both had very similar facilities and set up -  but discussions as we left seemed to favour that one rather than this.  This mornings school just seemed a bit more chaotic and it was the 'feeling' from the one last week that had stayed with me!

This afternoon and we visited the school that initially - pre-visits - that we had favoured.  This is the smallest of the schools and although not the nearest to us, it is the nearest to Nana.  Whereas we have seen two schools with 3 classes of 30 in each year, this one has only 5 classes in the whole school.  This means smaller class sizes with often two year groups in the same class.

Do we choose a large school with fantastic facilities where Jamie might be 'drowned' amongst the other children, or a small school with a family feel that might actually feel oppressive as there would be no hiding amongst the other children?   I do like the idea of everyone knowing everyone else, and I also liked the idea that the school have a series of 'induction' evenings for the children prior to their start.  This means Jamie will know names and faces before he starts.

What was weird was that mummy knew a lot of faces this afternoon.  A couple of the teachers / teaching assistants go to the same Zumba class as me, and one of the 'Friends of School' said she recognised me.  The headmaster was at the same secondary school as me - although a few years older! 

Numbers

Since starting pre-school, going on holiday with Lucy, and thinking about Jamie starting 'real' school this time next year, I have begun to wonder about Jamie's intellectual development.  I admit to letting him watch too much TV and so decided this week to try to limit TV and increase his reading.

This didn't last very long as a DVD I had bought him of Superted (remember him?) arrived and then we ended up borrowing another DVD of Dora's Halloween from the library (well we do need to get in the mood for the party!)

We stayed quite a while at the library on Monday and I was able to pick up a number of books relating to numbers and the alphabet (Ladybird First Steps abc and First Picture Dictionary).  Daddy has been teaching Jamie the letter J but any further than that and we are struggling. 

We are however, having better luck with the numbers.  A few months ago I bought a BBC magazine for Jamie and it came with a set of 'NumberJacks'.  Jamie enjoys playing with these and he has started to recognise what they represent.   He even asked to watch NumberJacks yesterday but unfortunately it is not on the i-player. I have just however, discovered they have their own website at:  www.numberjacks.co.uk/kids/ 

Jamie still has a tendency to just count very quickly once he is past 4 and then all numbers seem to merge into each other.  I think this is just a lack of concentration and possibly being lazy.  However, after only a day or two with the new book - Making Numbers: A Very First Counting Book, published by Andromeda - I do believe the numbers are beginning to make sense to him. 

"Don't want a new nursery mummy"

This morning we had a few tears prior to Nursery as Jamie thought that we were taking him to a different nursery without his friends. I tried to explain that he would not be changing schools until he was much bigger, but he still seemsed confused.   I don't think we will take him on another school tour.

Two down....

....two to go!

Yesterday Daddy and I visited two of the local schools that Jamie could attend when he starts school this time next year.  The first school we visited was the only school of the four we have chosen to visit that doesn't have an open day, so we had arranged a tour with the headmistress.  As Jamie was not in nursery we took him with us. 

This school was the primary school I attended throughout my junior years.  It is also the school that 'the girls' go / went to.  Had much changed in 30ish years?  It has been extended and did look very different as classrooms have changed, the library has moved, and there is no longer a dedicated canteen.  That is now the room where Jamie would start next year.   What did I think?  Wasn't quite sure at the time, but Daddy thought it looked 'scruffy'.

However, a couple of hours later and Nana arrived to look after Jamie for just over half an hour while we visited another school. This time as part of an open evening.  This school certainly helped us make up our minds about the first!  There was no comparison.  I was very impressed with the way the headmistress greeted us all individually (she recognised me from Park Nursery) and we were shown around by one of the year 6 pupils.  All the children we met seemed very well behaved and happy, and the teachers also seemed happy.  I was really impressed with what I saw in the ICT suite and the teacher who we spoke to there.

This school is the school that Jamie's cousin currently attends as well as a few other friends children.  They all seem to love it and it has done wonders with Alannah!

We have two more open days next Wednesday.  After which we will need to make a decision.....

I have seen the future....

....and I don't like it!

Just taken Jamie for his first pre-school session that is not included in one of his nursery days.

I was a little bit early and ended up queueing outside the Pre-School room with all the other mothers (and fathers).

I felt quite intimidated and I could see Jamie didn't like all the people around him.

Is this what it is going to be like at the school gates next year?

I don't think I like it.

First Joke

Last night, while I was having a bath, Jamie came in and asked:

Why was the chicken on the road?

He was looking for his house!  came the reply.

I think that was his first attempt at a joke!!

Butlins!!!

Just come back from a fantastic week at Skegness Butlins.  Jamie and Lucy had a wonderful week.  The grown ups? Well, its not about us anymore is it? We were shattered and my back may never recover from the state of the beds!!  

The swimming pool (Splash Waterworld) was full of excitement.  Jamie took a while to get used to it, but loved the crocodile and the turtle in the small wave pool.  Mummy even went on the big slides!!  Jamie and Lucy loved BobsVille as we called it with the Bob the Builder rides, the fairground, the amusements and their first time Bowling (Daddy still very upset as Jamie beat him!)  We had a couple of trips into Skegness and went to the Seal Sanctuary which they both loved. 

 

The only drawback with Butlins is the amount of large characters that wander around - people dressed up.  The first time I saw Billy Bear, I did not have time to turn around before Jamie was out of the Skyline Pavilion and into the arms of a RedCoat.   'Billy Bear?' she said.  And one breakfast was nearly ruined after Jamie came face to face with the Butlins big green dinosaur.  This made it difficult to watch a lot of the shows.  Jamie didn't know what to make of a life sized Fireman Sam and Norman.  I have spoken to a few people about Jamie's 'phobia' and it seems it is not uncommon.  However, I have yet to find a girl with the same phobia.  Lucy loved all the shows and on the last night we did get Jamie to sit down at the back and watch the Halloween Spooktacular.  He was drawn in by the music and even announced This is ABBA during Mummy, Mummy, Mummy.

 

The highlight for Jamie I think was seeing I Can Cook Katy in the flesh.  She did two shows while we were there and we were lucky enough to get tickets.  When we arrived we ended up sitting towards the back but still had a good view.  Both Jamie and Lucy wanted to go on the stage with her but I think both were too young.  (It was amazing how many older children were there seeing as how we went during the school term!).  It was a good job Jamie didn't go on the stage as there was another character - SALT - which seemed to frighten him with her appearance! 

 

Will we do it again?  Let wait and see....  The price was very good as Dean got 40% off the brochure price.  So, for what we got it was great. And did I mention Mummy and Auntie Chrissie had a lovely morning in the Spa?   We just need to do something about Jamie's 'phobia'.

 

 

Our Evening With Charlie

Following the lovely wedding of Ant and Emma last Saturday - where Jamie got to spend the afternoon with Will and then had tea with the girls - I organised a night around at ours so we could all meet Charlie.   Charlie is my cousins daughter who was born 18months ago. As they live in Australia this was the first time we had met her. The first time I saw her was walking down the aisle with Emma at the service. As Noah and Jamie did not go to the wedding and Charlie went to bed shortly after the meal it was nice for us all to get together.   Luckily the weather was nice enough that all the children could play outside. This gave us all chance to mingle and chat. When they all came in Jamie and Charlie did some painting with Jon. It was a lovely evening and I wonder when we will get to see Charlie again and her unborn brother Ruben - whose due date is my birthday in January!!

 

 

Changing Television

After a few months of not actually having any time to watch much TV at all, and then a letter from SKY coming to announce an increase in our monthly subscription we decided to cancel and with a one off payment went free view!

To be honest we have not missed it - and all the extra channels - at all.

After a few days of being told he could not watch Umizoomi and Ben and Holly, Jamie has not mentioned them again.  Milkshake on Channel 5 shows a lot of programmes from Nick Junior - including Peppa Pig - so I have been recording them for him.

I did try and get a DVD of  Umizoomi (as I thought it was quite educational) but have been unable to get a copy that is compatible with my (British) DVD player!

What we do love - which we never had before - is the On Demand TV, so we can watch most programmes when we want if we forget to record them. 

One drawback is that Jamie has realised this fact and so demands the same episodes over and over; Show Me Show Me: Pizza, and Justin's House: Little Monsters Birthday!!

Why? Why? Why?

Why is the sky blue? Why do I have to go to bed? Why are there wars? Why do people get hiccups? Why do I have to eat my dinner before my pudding? Why do people die? Why do cats have fur? Why do I have to go to school? Why mustn't you pick your nose in public? Why do you always make that funny face when I keep asking you questions?

Small humans ask a lot of questions. It's how they aim to make sense of the world (good luck with that one) and it's entirely natural. It can also be entirely exasperating at times for parents whose offspring clearly expect them to be experts in everything.

Let me ask you a question of my own, though, one fairly grown-up human to another. Do you think that in general children's answer-seeking makes them happy or unhappy? I suspect it's the former, don't you?

When you're preoccupied with attempting to understand life, you probably have little time left to mope and ruminate. Noticing the world around you and attempting to work it all out is pretty much a full-time job for kids, who on the whole (you may have noticed) tend to take a positive view of things.

Of course, it would be over-simplistic (or would it?) to suggest that acting like a kid is a good mental health strategy, but I'm sure there's value in remembering a few of the things you did naturally when you were knee-high to a grasshopper.

Rather than simply taking everything around you at face-value, why not relive the feeling of being intensely curious? Study things as if for the first time. Take notice. Ask questions. It's what you did as a youngster, so what's to stop you doing so again?

www.moodscope.com/blog/why-why-why

Baby Blog 31

Congratulations to Tracey and Jack.
Baby girl Shinman born about 2pm, 24th September 2012, weighing  8lb 8oz. 
No name as yet!    A new cousin for Jamie.....

Rip It Up!!

Recently borrowed Rip It Up by Richard Wiseman, published by Macmillan (2012) from the library.  This book presents a new insight into feeling better about yourself.  The main thrust of the book is to 'act as if' it was really that way. 

So smile, laugh; even when you don't feel like it.  You soon will feel happy! 

Acting in a relaxed and calm way produced relaxed and calming thoughts.

Acting as if you are not afraid, the situation quickly ceases to become associated with any sense of anxiety.

Tell yourself you are in a great mood, are successful, can do something and it will be so.  It's positive thinking + 1.

Change your behaviour and your behaviour will change your mind!  (It says here....)

Additional Pre-School

Jamie started pre-school on the 5th September.  This has meant a lot of change (for all of us) but I am sure he is finally settling down.  When I picked him up the other day, I casually asked whether he had had a sleep.   I am glad to hear they don't do naps in pre-school!  This means Jamie comes home very tired in an evening.  The trick is to keep him moving til bed time; as if we don't keep him active and let him just watch TV or lie on the bed, he has a tendency to 'wake up' about 9pm!!

I did finally find out why he initially didn't like pre-school.  Apparently its because they tell me off...

He has - up until now - only  been using 4 of his 5 pre-school sessions so I asked last week if there were any spare places.  I had initially asked for Thursday morning - as I thought it might make things easier for Nana - but daddy was upset that it would mean he would not see Jamie on a Thursday.  As it turned out they did not have any spaces free on a Thursday anyway.  They did however, have a space on Monday morning...

Once we come back from Butlins he will be attending on a Monday morning. I am sure he will love this as his 'new best freind' Archie does Mondays!!

Who is (still) sleeping in my bed?

Whisper it very quietly, but Jamie is still sleeping in our bed.  I know, I know, he is well over 3 now and still continues to spend every night in our bed.  

The trouble is that he now thinks this is normal, and I worry that making him sleep in his own bed will only make him feel we don't love him....

But, after an awful night on the Saturday; where I had hardly any sleep due to little feet, we decided to put Jamie in his own bed from then on.  I have had a star chart for a few weeks that I had made by the same lady who made the Fireman Sam chart.  This worked for toilet training, so we sat Jamie down and explained that we needed him to sleep in his own bed and that every time he did we would give him a sticker.  Once the chart was full - 10 stops with 3 stars on each - Jamie could have a trip to the Toy Shop!! 

Daddy was on earlies the week beginning the 10th September so we started on the Sunday night.  Initially we agreed that it would be TV up to 7pm only and then after that it was books - in Jamie's bed!

We managed to get Jamie to at least start off in his bed - even if he didn't end up there.  However, there was one night (the Wednesday that Jamie was sent home from Nursery) when we were woken up at 1am to the sounds of Jamie sobbing.  When I went in he was inconsolable and I had to try and explain that mummy and daddy did love him, it wasn't that we didn't want him in bed with us, it was just he was getting too big!  Of course I let him sleep the rest of the night with us....  After that he kept saying that he would not kick anymore and, to be honest when he was in bed with us, he didn't!

I think daddy found it quite hard work; one night finding Jamie standing outside our door, afraid to come any further into the room.  It was a very difficult week; only helped with daddy showing old Fireman Sam's on his mobile. 

Of course Friday night both Grandad and Uncle Paul came for a visit so it was well past 9pm before he went to bed!!  And then the weekend came....

And then Daddy was on lates again, which meant mummy was not very strict.  She just likes Jamie in bed with her!!   Daddy is not happy that mummy has reversed last weeks 'training' - not to mention Jamie's 3 stars!!

"But I like Cuddles, Mummy."  Mummy likes cuddles too!!

12 Steps to Happiness...

Do more activities that truly engage you. At home and at work, seek out more challenging and absorbing experiences in which you “lose yourself,” experiencing what researchers call flow.

Savour life’s joys. Pay close attention to life’s momentary pleasures and wonders through thinking, writing, or drawing, or by sharing them with others.

Learn to forgive. Keep a journal or write a letter in which you work on letting go of anger and resentment toward someone who has hurt or wronged you.

Practise acts of kindness. Do good things for others—whether friends or strangers, directly or anonymously, spontaneously or planned.

Nurture relationships. Pick a relationship in need of strengthening, and invest time and energy in healing, cultivating, affirming, and enjoying it.

Cultivate optimism. Keep a journal in which you imagine and write about the best possible future for yourself, or practise looking at the bright side of every situation.

Avoid over-thinking and social comparison. Use strategies (such as distraction) to cut down on how often you dwell on your problems, and guard against comparing yourself to others.

Develop strategies for coping. Practise ways to endure or surmount a recent stress, hardship, or trauma.

Count your blessings. Express gratitude for what you have—either privately, through contemplation or journaling, or to someone else—or convey your appreciation to people whom you’ve never properly thanked.

Strengthen your spiritual connections. Religious and spiritual people are happier, perhaps because of the social connections they get through their community.

Commit to your goals. Pick one, two, or three significant goals that are meaningful to you, and devote time and effort to pursuing them.

Take care of your body. This could mean exercise, of course, but also meditating, smiling, or laughing.


Thanks to Stacey Kennelly at: http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/sonja_lyubomirskys_happiness_habits

Home Early...

Feeling a bit under the weather at the moment and so didn't go to work this afternoon!

Good job really, as the nursery rang.  When I saw it was them I immediately thought it was due to Jamie's cough (again) as he has been coughing a bit the last few days.  We both have the snots but at the moment I have been spared the cough.

Turns out they were worried as he had been saying he wanted the toilet all afternoon (they rang just before 3pm) but although he kept going, he never actually went.  I went to pick him up just as he emerged from the toilet - successful at last!!

I had a chat to one of the ladies from pre-school and we wondered whether it could be related to his move to pre-school.  He has been fine at home for weeks now, and has previously 'been' at nursery.  The only recent difference has been his move to pre-school.

Home now and all snoozing....

Happy Birthday Noah!!

"My New Best Friend"

Apparently, Archie is Jamie's "New Best Friend". 

I asked who is old best friend was, but Jamie simply repeated that Archie was his New Best Friend.

First Day At Pre-School

"I don't like it.  I want to go back to Nursery".

I kept asking why this was, but Jamie wouldn't elaborate....

Amelia - who is his keyworker in the Dragonfly Group - had a chat with all the parents as they picked up their children.  Jamie was shattered and she said he had been late going into the Pre-School room as he had been asleep.  This meant he had been a bit mardy when he did go into Pre-School.

Hopefully, its just the change he doesn't like.  All his friends are there, and Tilley will be joining him in the mornings, so there will be even more people he knows.

As for mummy, I can't believe he has started Pre-School.  In a years time it will be Primary School.  Which reminds me, I need to start thinking about which one!

Blog Baby 30

Luke James Malpass born at 3.47pm, 5th September 2012, 5 pounds 10, Caesarian, mum and baby fine....

Weekend With Lucy

Just had (another) fun packed weekend with Lucy.  Lucy et al didn't arrive til lunch time on the Saturday but the weather was lovely so we had an afternoon in Jamie's Park.  Later on I suggested a walk to the Millenium Green to feed the ducks and geese as I had a load of bread that was past it best!  We all had a lovely walk around the lake and had a laugh at being chased by the geese.  Then we walked back to the park next to the green.  Jamie and Lucy made loads of new friends who were also playing in the park and we all stayed out past 7 o'clock as the sun was glorious.

Once we got back we had a chinese takeaway and tried to watch the first episode of Dr Who, but we were all shattered and it was an early night for all.

Sunday we were up early and off to a car boot; which auntie Chrissie always loves for the bargains, and Jamie and Lucy love as there is a little park there.  It was really hot as we walked round, but I got a few more DVD's for Jamie - Dangermouse and Jamie and the Magic Torch - as well as a few Halloween goodies.

After a quick stop for a cuppa we went to see Nanna.  It was lovely to see her, as she was so much better than the last time we went, and I got some lovely group photos.  We took (and made) her a very tasty chicken dinner, and all had a lovely afternoon in her garden playing Butthead.   Lucy and Jamie hardly fell out at all.  There were just a few pushing incidents.  I think Jamie's daddy got most of the bruises though when everybody decided it would be a good idea to use him as a bouncy castle!

The weekend may have started later than usual, but it went on til late Sunday night as on the way back from Nannas we visited Dr Who's Tardis.  Then when we got back to our house Dean got the water bombs out and everyone had a great time getting very wet and collecting even more bruises!!

Can't wait for Butlins in 4 weeks....

"Super Freeze!"

Jamie's latest saying........

But, where has this come from?

Big Ears....

Had tea at Nana's with Jamie last week and we were chatting about the up and coming family wedding, and one of the invitees who was being a bit of an old sod as he did not want to stay over, and Nana wasn't even sure if he would stay for all the wedding itself.

(Me and The Bull are actually only staying for the afternoon and are leaving before the evening do as no children - other than bridesmaids etc - have been invited.  As it is a family wedding we have no family to look after Jamie.  Luckily we have got two sets of friends who have volunteered to look after Jamie for a few hours each in the afternoon!)

Back to the story.  Nana said something along the lines of  'He's a right misery guts', and Jamie repeated it word for word!!   So Nana said 'We will have to be careful with Big Ears around.'  To which Jamie responded; 'Big ears lives with Noddy'.    Priceless!!

Becoming a child again.....

In August's edition of the Cygnus Review (see: www.cygnus-books.co.uk/) there were a number of articles that reminded us as adults of the time we were children - and the importance of being child-like.

Louisa Mills in The Wise Child Within (www.cygnus-books.co.uk/magazine/2012/07/the-wise-child-within/)  opens with the lyrics from Madonna's Dear Jessie:

If the land of make believe
Is inside your heart it will never leave
There's a golden gate where the fairies all wait
And dancing moons, for you

Close your eyes and you'll be there
Where the mermaids sing as they comb their hair
Like a fountain of gold you can never grow old
Where dreams are made, your love parade

I have just read the whole song and it really touched me.  Its sad to think how life takes over and we loose all sense of being a child.  I hope for Jamie's sake we can hold onto the wonder for him as long as possible.

Louisa goes onto say; Sometimes we do take life so seriously, don't we, and we really can be a bit hard on ourselves.  The pressure we put ourselves under when it comes to work, family, finances, social composure...even spirituality.  We can come down on ourselves rather harshly, if we feel we've got it 'wrong', becoming ashamed or self cynical when we stumble from time to time.

What is her answer?  Be kind to yourself!  Let go of the burden or worry so that your heart, mind and spirit are free to smile, giggle and dream as they always did and should always be allowed to do.

Later on in the same edition, Vernon Kitabu Turner discusses Child Mind - Zen Mind www.cygnus-books.co.uk/magazine/2012/07/child-mind-zen-mind/  He talks of children being natural masters of Zen as the young child is able to play with such concentration and learn with ease because his mind has no concept of past and future. He is present. Being present, he is full of energy. The child mind does not cling to things or events but drops them at will and moves on with equal intensity to whatever else he chooses to do.

When you cling to a fixed concept of yourself – doctor, janitor, lawyer or waitress, weak or strong – you develop a rigid program that your mind is compelled to support.  It is not the duties that present a problem but our tendency to associate ourselves with a limited concept as self.  But this image is no more the real you than a photograph is. The quicker you rid yourself of this crippling barrier, the more alive you will become to the moment and the endless variations of this remarkable creature called you.

Wardrobe Warfare!!

After our lovely weekend away the other week a mountain of clothes seemed to accumulate in our bedroom that needed putting away.  Instead of doing this however, I decided to give my wardrobe a long awaited spring clean.

I seem to have been on a diet for forever and as I am now (nearly) the lightest I have been in about 5 years, I thought it might be a good time to see if any of the clothes in the boxes at the bottom of the wardrobe actually fitted me again.

I went through every item in the wardrobe and was ruthless.  I am pleased to say that at the end of the session I had two large bags of clothes to go to the charity shop or for recycling.

Some of the clothes that I had in my wardrobe were over 5 years old and I am afraid to say that some were even older!  I have spent years holding onto clothes that a) are never going to fit again and b) are never going to be back in fashion. 

Why Oh Why did I hang onto those flared trousers?  They never suited me when I bought them!!

What I did learn however, is that - since having Jamie - my body shape has completely changed so a lot of those old clothes actually looked odd.  I know a lot of women have said this but I didn't believe it until I saw it in myself.  It's not that I am fat.  It's just my shape has changed!!

I must admit I that loved the cathartic experience of throwing away so many of my old clothes - especially those that no longer fitted.  I thought I might be sad, but I have been left with a lot more space in my wardrobe and I know that the clothes that I do have, do suit me and make me feel good about myself.

Just need to invest in some new underwear now.....

Family Matters....

Once again feeling a bit flat due to 'family matters'.

Had an invite to my dad's sister and sister-in-laws joint party at Damons Restaurant on Saturday.

Was really looking forward to seeing all dad's side of the family again.  We rarely get together and I often wonder what everyone is up to and how they are.  I also wonder what we would all be doing if dad was still alive.

I'm afraid the whole afternoon throughly depressed me!

What with looking after Jamie - who kept wanting to go to the toilet and would not eat his food (daddy didn't come as was playing a gig) - I didn't really get to chat to anyone about anything. 

And no one mentioned my dad. 

"Just saw Butlins on the TV"

Jamie has certainly begun to take notice of more than the programs on the television.  Although we try to focus his viewing around CBeebies, he does love a few of the NickJr programmes - specifically Peppa Pig, Ben and Holly, Umizoomi and Dora The Explorer. I have started taping Umizoomi to try to avoid the adverts but he can still be found watching them.

This week he has started saying "Those are for Girls" when the toy adverts come on and when toys for boys are advertised he "wants one".

He has also asked " Can we go there?" during adverts for DisneyLand and ThomasLand and Blackpool Pleasure Beach.  Jamie knows that we are off to Butlins in October with cousin Lucy, and now every time the advert comes on - complete with giant chair and seagull - Jamie tells us!!

I can see he is excited already!!

Bringing up Boys

Was interested in this recent article from bounty at: www.bounty.com/family-time/parenting/bringing-up-boys

As any parent of sons will tell you raising boys is a lot of fun, even if sometimes it’s noisy, messy and chaotic. Mums of boys have been known to say that it’s like having dogs – give them lots of daily exercise and they’ll be happy. Certainly boys have a lovely, simple attitude to life and pleasure.

Boys like physical activity
As Steve Biddulph, author of Raising Boys (ordered from the library) writes: ‘The average boy has 30% more muscle bulk than the average girl. Boys are stronger and their bodies are more inclined to action.’ So it’s not surprising boys like a bit of rough and tumble. It should be encouraged. But teach them how to control it so they don’t hurt others and how to express when it’s too much for them (such as by yelling a specific phrase –“stop it, I don’t like it”). Testosterone surges mean they are programmed to be competitive so help them find activities that allow for this in safe ways.

Boys’ brains develop differently to girls’
Their language and fine motor skills (such as being able to hold a pen properly) develop later than girls’. This means boys can often appear ‘behind’ girls in the early years of school because their reading and writing can take longer to develop.

How boys play
They like action games, messy games and in general anything that moves – hence the enduring popularity of cars, train sets and bike riding. In terms of friendships they are usually based on common interests and boys are less likely to exclude people over silly things such as what clothes they wear.

Boys’ social skills
Boys may be prone to more aggressive behaviour and be less willing to engage in idle chit chat but they are not without empathy. Parents can teach them how to understand and read other people’s emotions and compared with girls they can be more accepting.

A father figure
Being a boy has changed over the generations. Traditional male jobs are being done by women and men are not expected to be the main breadwinner. But boys do look to older men as their role models.  Ideally boys need a dad or at least an interested, caring man in their lives. Each child needs a same-sex adult as one of their main carers who puts in a lot of personal time and effort to support them in their learning and development. But we don't live in an ideal world and many boys grow up in single parent households to be successful adults.

For mothers, especially those without brothers, having a boy can be a challenging but inspiring experience. There is an ‘otherness’ to boys for many mums. It’s important to learn to like being around them and show this, as boys love approval and praise, especially from their parents. They also need lots of cuddles!

How to build boys' self-esteem:
• Use positive language and explain and praise good behaviour.
• Set clear boundaries and limits. These will have to change as they get older but will help make them feel safe and secure.
• Allow them to climb and explore physically within safe limits.
• Give them room to do what they can and learn from mistakes. So even if they set the table haphazardly let them try, if they spill something show them how to mop it up.
• Don’t dictate all the time – let them make their own choices and decisions even if it’s just over small things like what they want for their breakfast.
• Respect their feelings. Comfort them if they’re hurt and let them cry. Listen to their grievances.

10 Ways To Prevent Aggression in Toddlers

Following yesterdays 'incident' I had a look on the internet for any advice and came across this article
by Teresa McEntire at http://parenting.families.com/blog/10-ways-to-prevent-aggression-in-toddlers

As every parent knows, she says, there are times when your toddler will become aggressive. For toddler's, this aggressive behavior is normal. They are learning to become independent and have an undeveloped impulse control.

Toddlers usually do not understand that their behavior has hurt someone. They may feel ashamed because they know they disappointed you not because of their actions. Toddlers often do not know their own strength. He may not have meant to push the other child down, just tell him to back off.  But just because the behavior is normal parents still need to curb aggressive behavior, set limits, and discipline after occurrences.

1. Stay calm. When you see your child exhibiting aggressive behavior, stay calm yourself. Remove your child from the situation. Comfort the child who has been hurt first. Then talk to the child who was the aggressor. Talk to them about what they have done and explain that their behavior was inappropriate. Most toddlers do not feel empathy so don't ask things like, "How would you feel if Tommy hit you?" or "How do you think Tommy feels?"

2. Learn what triggers the aggressive behavior. Many children become more aggressive when they are tired, hungry, or experienced a disruption in their routine. Maybe they don't get along with a certain child. If you know what triggers your child intervene before the aggression happens.

3. Be a good example. Children always watch and often imitate the behavior they see in their parents. Make sure that you are reacting appropriately when you are upset. When your child misbehaves don't react aggressively to him.

4. Set clear limits. Let your children know what behavior is inappropriate. Talk about how you want your child to act. Before attending play dates or other activities talk about appropriate behavior.

5. Discipline consistently. If you don't allow hitting you must discipline your child every time they hit. This doesn't always mean time out or other form of discipline. But you need to acknowledge that hitting is wrong and talk to your child about it.

6. Use logical consequences. If your child throws a ball at a child a normal consequence is too take the ball away for a time. Explain that if the ball isn't used right then he won't be allowed to play.

7. Reward good behavior. If your child doesn't react aggressively praise them for controlling themselves. Praise positive behaviors like sharing and using words instead of actions to express anger.

8. Limit media violence. Children are affected by the violence that they see on television, movies, and video games. Limit the amount of media violence that your child views. They do not understand the difference between the media and real life.

9. Teach alternatives. Provide your child with strategies that they can use instead of aggressive behavior. I often told my children when toddlers, "Use your words." This reminded them that they could say what the problem was instead of hitting. They learned that talking was more effective than hitting.

10. Provide an outlet. Many children have an abundance of energy. If your child is one that does make sure that he has the space and time to release that energy. Pent up energy often releases itself in the form of aggression whether intentional or unintentional.

Daddy and Jamie are NOT Friends

Bit of a fall out in our household today when Jamie slapped daddy.

They were playing together in Jamie's room when I went in to ask daddy a question about decorating (or something else equally mundane).  Jamie kept interrupting me and daddy, and we could not hear ourselves speak.  As I continued to try to talk to daddy, Jamie slapped daddy across the face.

Straight away, we put Jamie in the (up until now non-existent) naughty corner; which is situated by the front door.  We made him stay there for (what seemed like) ages.  We sat in his room and could see his shadow so knew when he was moving from his spot.   I hated doing it.  Tears were streaming down his face, snot was streaming out of his nose and it was awful.  But we left him there and eventually I went over to him and tried to explain why he had been put in the naughty corner.  I then tried to get him to say 'Sorry' to daddy.  This he didn't seem to want to do, but I think he was a bit scared at daddy's initial reaction to the slap.

Understandably, daddy was very upset and went off outside to trim the bush at the front of the house.  Jamie just sat on our bed.  I think he knew not to ask for TV.  He sat there for a while, and I just sat on the floor next to him sorting out some paperwork.  In the end I sat on the bed with him and we had a cuddle and a chat.  I think he did understand why daddy had got so mad with him and hopefully he won't be slapping anyone again!    A few hours later we were all giggles and laughter - and best friends - when we took Jamie to meet his 'girls' at a local pub with a fantastic play area (www.woodcockspub.co.uk/) for lunch followed by ice cream.

Hopefully this shows we are not too afraid to discipline Jamie (see previous post).  I love Jamie to bits but also realise he must be shown / learn the error of his ways whenever he is naughty.

Child As A Friend? Discuss....

An article appeared in the Daily Mail on Saturday July 21st
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2176791/Why-parent-tempted-treat-child-friend.html which discussed why, as an adult, you should never be tempted to treat your child as a friend...

A generation of children, it says, are growing up badly behaved because their parents are too afraid to discipline them.  The rise of the so-called ‘friend-parent’ – who tries to be their child’s equal rather than their boss – means youngsters are approaching adolescence ill-equipped for the real world, according to Professor Tanya Byron.

Professor Byron, who featured on the BBC series House of Tiny Tearaways, said she is treating children at her clinic with behavioural problems as a direct result of such parenting tactics. She said: ‘Children as young as six are brought to my clinics by parents who are anxious that any time they try to set a boundary, the child becomes distressed.  She said parents are so preoccupied with getting their children on their side that they are waiting on them hand and foot – denying them important life skills.  She said: ‘What’s happened to chores, a family being a team, with everyone having their key jobs?  I treat children of eight and nine who, while attending intellectually challenging schools, cannot take themselves to the toilet or clean themselves afterwards, or who don’t dress or feed themselves independently – never mind know how to tie a shoelace.’  She warned that without boundaries and chores, a child’s development could be impaired.

Psychologist Dr Aric Sigman said the ‘friend-parent’ phenomenon could be explained by the fact that women are choosing to start families when they are older. ‘Parents today, in particular mothers, are much older than ever before. They are also likely to be working as well.   ‘The result is children are seeing their parents for less hours a day, so if the children start displaying challenging behaviour because they haven’t had the attention they need, they feel guilty and let it go, rather than disciplining them for it and risk them getting upset.’

Dr Mary Bousted, general secretary of the Association of Teachers and Lecturers union, said schools were left to pick up the pieces.  ‘Schools are having to deal with children who haven’t been toilet trained, children who expect to always get their own way and have never been told “no”.  ‘Parents aren’t doing their children any favours if they wait on them hand and foot, try to buy good behaviour or make up for lack of attention with toys and gadgets.  They need to have the confidence to set rules, make their children help around the house, and encourage them to become independent to enable them to become confident and capable adults.’

Spotting Your Emotional Needs

Don't really know why, but this week I have felt a bit overwhelmed.  Probably due to the holiday washing that still needs to be sorted, and the washing machine that does not seem to wash, added to the usual worry about money, and Jamie having another one of his coughs this week!!  

Anyway, this article came along at the right time.  See: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/07/27/find-stress-relief-by-spotting-your-emotional-needs/

Julie Hanks, a therapist and blogger at Psych Central, works with many clients who are besieged by stress. What her clients typically discover is that they aren’t necessarily overwhelmed by stress, they’re overwhelmed by their emotions.

“As [my clients] learn to unpack the anxiety, they discover that their worry, stress, and sense of impending doom is the not just anxiety, but the culmination of years of unprocessed emotions of all kinds,” said Hanks.  “Anxiety is often the label that clients have given to the experience of being emotionally overwhelmed.”

So the key is to get to your core emotions and she offered these four tools to spot your core emotions:

•  Spend several minutes each day tuning into your body. We “feel” emotions in our bodies, so paying attention to our physical cues can help us identify our emotions. For instance, whenever she’s anxious, Hanks gets a tight feeling in her chest and shoulders, and her breathing gets shallow.

•  Ask yourself, “What’s really bothering me?” Dig deeper to see what’s stressing you out. For instance, right now, for Hanks that’s a book revision deadline, a family situation and an impending move for her clinic.

•  Ask yourself, “What do I need to feel emotionally calm and comforted?” To feel like she’s capable of completing her book revisions, Hanks will ask her husband for reassurance. To figure out her family situation, she’ll turn to a friend who’s going through something similar for support. In order to make her move less stressful, she’ll work on organizing her to-do list, delegate tasks and engage in positive self-talk.

•  Ask for your emotional need to be met. This might mean articulating your need to a loved one. Hanks might say to her husband, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and stressed about this book deadline. I need to hear that you believe in me and I could really use a shoulder rub.”

I feel better already.....

Blog Baby 29

A few weeks late but here goes....

Holly Jade Roberts born 29th June weighing 9lbs 12oz - over a week overdue.

We were with them on the Saturday before and Suzanne was truly fed up with waiting!!

Congratulations to Suzanne and Simon.