Bringing up Boys

Was interested in this recent article from bounty at: www.bounty.com/family-time/parenting/bringing-up-boys

As any parent of sons will tell you raising boys is a lot of fun, even if sometimes it’s noisy, messy and chaotic. Mums of boys have been known to say that it’s like having dogs – give them lots of daily exercise and they’ll be happy. Certainly boys have a lovely, simple attitude to life and pleasure.

Boys like physical activity
As Steve Biddulph, author of Raising Boys (ordered from the library) writes: ‘The average boy has 30% more muscle bulk than the average girl. Boys are stronger and their bodies are more inclined to action.’ So it’s not surprising boys like a bit of rough and tumble. It should be encouraged. But teach them how to control it so they don’t hurt others and how to express when it’s too much for them (such as by yelling a specific phrase –“stop it, I don’t like it”). Testosterone surges mean they are programmed to be competitive so help them find activities that allow for this in safe ways.

Boys’ brains develop differently to girls’
Their language and fine motor skills (such as being able to hold a pen properly) develop later than girls’. This means boys can often appear ‘behind’ girls in the early years of school because their reading and writing can take longer to develop.

How boys play
They like action games, messy games and in general anything that moves – hence the enduring popularity of cars, train sets and bike riding. In terms of friendships they are usually based on common interests and boys are less likely to exclude people over silly things such as what clothes they wear.

Boys’ social skills
Boys may be prone to more aggressive behaviour and be less willing to engage in idle chit chat but they are not without empathy. Parents can teach them how to understand and read other people’s emotions and compared with girls they can be more accepting.

A father figure
Being a boy has changed over the generations. Traditional male jobs are being done by women and men are not expected to be the main breadwinner. But boys do look to older men as their role models.  Ideally boys need a dad or at least an interested, caring man in their lives. Each child needs a same-sex adult as one of their main carers who puts in a lot of personal time and effort to support them in their learning and development. But we don't live in an ideal world and many boys grow up in single parent households to be successful adults.

For mothers, especially those without brothers, having a boy can be a challenging but inspiring experience. There is an ‘otherness’ to boys for many mums. It’s important to learn to like being around them and show this, as boys love approval and praise, especially from their parents. They also need lots of cuddles!

How to build boys' self-esteem:
• Use positive language and explain and praise good behaviour.
• Set clear boundaries and limits. These will have to change as they get older but will help make them feel safe and secure.
• Allow them to climb and explore physically within safe limits.
• Give them room to do what they can and learn from mistakes. So even if they set the table haphazardly let them try, if they spill something show them how to mop it up.
• Don’t dictate all the time – let them make their own choices and decisions even if it’s just over small things like what they want for their breakfast.
• Respect their feelings. Comfort them if they’re hurt and let them cry. Listen to their grievances.