It's worth remembering that very small children do not mean to be naughty – they simply haven’t learned to be good yet. The best way of making sure little ones learn to understand and abide by the rules is to praise them when they get it right and ignore, rather than punish, bad behaviour.
Take temper tantrums as a compliment – its only because your child feels secure and confident in your reactions and love for them that they can let off steam in this way.
Watch out for the common tantrum triggers – hunger, tiredness, boredom and frustration – and allow your child to express their wants and needs.
From: 50 Ways to Tame a Toddler (how to charm and disarm your diminutive adversary) Hamlyn (2009) http://www.octopusbooks.co.uk/
Sunday 27 March 2011
Wednesday 23 March 2011
Dealing with Tantrums
The best way to curb tantrums is to give your child a feeling of being in control. “Give a choice within a choice”, advises Health Visitor Emma Leigh, “Say would you like to hold my hand or hold on to the pushchair when we go shopping? This will give your child a feeling they have some control over the situation and make them less likely to throw wobbly.” If you give a child wide alternatives at this age, he will probably freak out: the enormity of deciding whether to go for a walk or stay at home is too much, at first. Shall we take rabbit or panda upstairs? is calculated to cause deep thought while the child, in purely accidental obedience, proceeds up the stairs.
Don’t take it personally. Remind yourself that a tantrum is not about you it’s about your child being overwhelmed, so keep your voice calm and your body language relaxed. Speak in a low voice, and reassure your child that they will be fine. “Naming the emotion can also help here”, says clinical psychologist Linda Blair. “ Say: ‘I know you’re angry/upset because X happened, but you’re okay, we’ll sort it out. Mummy is here’, and they will start to calm down.”
To solve a tantrum don’t try reasoning. “Trying to approach a child’s rage logically won’t work”, says Emma Leigh. Your best bet is to divert their attention away from what’s upsetting them, give them a cuddle (if they’ll let you) and distract them. Luckily they have short attention spans so can be sidetracked easily.”
Some children do have whoppers when it comes to tantrums and though exhausting aren’t a problem, unless: a) They try to hurt themselves when in a rage – while breath holding, and hitting themselves are common, consult your GP for advice if you’re worried, or b) Try to hurt you mid tantrum - always worth talking to your health visitor about in case they hurt siblings or other children
What not to do:
• Don’t get angry too, adding your emotions to the mix will just make the situation worse.
• Don’t punish tantrums – it won’t solve anything. The key is to understand what has triggered the rage and deal with that.
• Don’t think cuddling your child post tantrum is condoning the behaviour. A raging child is upset and overwhelmed and needs comforting by you.
• Don’t worry what other people think, especially in public. They don’t know you or your child.
• Don’t bribe your child out of a tantrum it won’t teach them anything.
http://www.bounty.com/toddler/parenting/how-to-cope-with-tantrums?WT.mc_id=50002
Don’t take it personally. Remind yourself that a tantrum is not about you it’s about your child being overwhelmed, so keep your voice calm and your body language relaxed. Speak in a low voice, and reassure your child that they will be fine. “Naming the emotion can also help here”, says clinical psychologist Linda Blair. “ Say: ‘I know you’re angry/upset because X happened, but you’re okay, we’ll sort it out. Mummy is here’, and they will start to calm down.”
To solve a tantrum don’t try reasoning. “Trying to approach a child’s rage logically won’t work”, says Emma Leigh. Your best bet is to divert their attention away from what’s upsetting them, give them a cuddle (if they’ll let you) and distract them. Luckily they have short attention spans so can be sidetracked easily.”
Some children do have whoppers when it comes to tantrums and though exhausting aren’t a problem, unless: a) They try to hurt themselves when in a rage – while breath holding, and hitting themselves are common, consult your GP for advice if you’re worried, or b) Try to hurt you mid tantrum - always worth talking to your health visitor about in case they hurt siblings or other children
What not to do:
• Don’t get angry too, adding your emotions to the mix will just make the situation worse.
• Don’t punish tantrums – it won’t solve anything. The key is to understand what has triggered the rage and deal with that.
• Don’t think cuddling your child post tantrum is condoning the behaviour. A raging child is upset and overwhelmed and needs comforting by you.
• Don’t worry what other people think, especially in public. They don’t know you or your child.
• Don’t bribe your child out of a tantrum it won’t teach them anything.
http://www.bounty.com/toddler/parenting/how-to-cope-with-tantrums?WT.mc_id=50002
Saturday 19 March 2011
Psychic Supper
Last night we went to a Psychic Supper and as usual we all came away feeling a lot happier than when we went. Its hard to explain but this article helps:
www.gurgle.com/articles/News/37716/The_boy_who_claims_he_went_to_heaven.aspx
What was said that was specific to me I always think sounds strange if repeated or written down. Just to say the world felt a better place......and now that spring is in the air and the daffodils are brightening up my garden, things can only get better for everyone.
www.gurgle.com/articles/News/37716/The_boy_who_claims_he_went_to_heaven.aspx
What was said that was specific to me I always think sounds strange if repeated or written down. Just to say the world felt a better place......and now that spring is in the air and the daffodils are brightening up my garden, things can only get better for everyone.
Friday 18 March 2011
Clear the Clutter
My Cygnus Books www.cygnus-books.co.uk/magazine/ email sent 16th March 2011 had a lovely piece on clearing the clutter:
Spring is here, and with the fresh spring breezes, snatches of sunshine and green shoots in the soil comes the perfect opportunity to spring-clean your own life, brushing away the cobwebs and throwing out the clutter.
If you were de-cluttering your house, you might go through each room and if there’s anything in which you haven’t used or thought of for the last few months, then you can put it in a box, ideally to be thrown away. Do the same with your mind: take a pen and make headings of all the ‘rooms’ in your mind, for example, “Money”, “Family”, “House”, “Things to Do” etc. etc. Write down everything you can think of, then go outside for a few minutes to clear your head. Return to the list: how many things had you remembered? Cross off those points which you have listed unnecessarily until you have reduced the list to the things that really matter. So many of our thoughts are needless worries, it is vital to recognise these thoughts as clutter and either deal with them or throw them out immediately, before they get caught up with the more important considerations.
There’s nothing like the present, so take the opportunity of Spring time, turn over a blank page and only fill it with the things that really matter.
Spring is here, and with the fresh spring breezes, snatches of sunshine and green shoots in the soil comes the perfect opportunity to spring-clean your own life, brushing away the cobwebs and throwing out the clutter.
If you were de-cluttering your house, you might go through each room and if there’s anything in which you haven’t used or thought of for the last few months, then you can put it in a box, ideally to be thrown away. Do the same with your mind: take a pen and make headings of all the ‘rooms’ in your mind, for example, “Money”, “Family”, “House”, “Things to Do” etc. etc. Write down everything you can think of, then go outside for a few minutes to clear your head. Return to the list: how many things had you remembered? Cross off those points which you have listed unnecessarily until you have reduced the list to the things that really matter. So many of our thoughts are needless worries, it is vital to recognise these thoughts as clutter and either deal with them or throw them out immediately, before they get caught up with the more important considerations.
There’s nothing like the present, so take the opportunity of Spring time, turn over a blank page and only fill it with the things that really matter.
Thursday 17 March 2011
Toddlerhood.....
Toddlerhood is the time when the baby, who looked to you for all satisfactions and was pleased when he got them, begins to look into himself as well. He discovers that he has choices, terrible, baffling, enticing vistas of choice: he might go downstairs with you, or he might stay here…..he can’t decide….he shrieks defiance, because whatever you choose, it is necessary for him to choose otherwise, simply in order to practice the new found skill of making decisions.
Libby Purves: How NOT to be a Perfect Mother Thorsons, HarperCollins (2004)
Libby Purves: How NOT to be a Perfect Mother Thorsons, HarperCollins (2004)
Tuesday 15 March 2011
Sunday 13 March 2011
5 Days At Work!!
Never Again! Its now Sunday and at last its quiet. I have made Daddy take Jamie to the park so I can at least try and sort through all the stuff that seems to have accumulated over the past week. Due to it being a very busy week in Payroll this week and this coinciding with the Trust Induction, I volunteered to do 5 days. Nanna and Grandad were very good and babysat for two days and Daddy had a day off to look after Jamie. I must admit I wasn't as tired as I thought I would be at the end of the week, but I have not had much time or indeed energy to do anything more than work, eat and sleep! Luckily, it was only a one-off week and I will get paid extra for doing the extra two days.
The money will come in handy as I have just bought some new work clothes and a new top to go to a couple of up and coming parties. I don't want to be a slummy mummy! I have actually lost a few pounds in the last few weeks and intend to loose some more - hopefully a stone- before our holiday in 18weeks time. Did I mention I have also given up chocolate and crisps for Lent? Saturday night was hard but I did it!! I also restrained myself from opening the second bottle of wine. And I felt better for it this morning.
Yesterday I felt that I had been neglecting Jamie with working all week and so we had a morning together. I took him to the library - which he loved - and got a small pile of books for him which we all sat in bed last night and read. Then we went to the park and went on the roundabout and the slide. I was very worried when he started climbing up the steps to the top of the slide and so I went up with him. It was very high and I really did not like it so I made Jamie slide down with me. I rang Daddy to ask whether he let him go on his own and he said he did, but he did go up with him to the top. I might not take him again for a while as it was too much stress for Mummy!! We went to the shop and then visited a friend to RSVP their wedding - babysitter arranged!! Then we visited baby Elliot. Elliot's mummy is still suffering after her C Section and struggling even more as she cannot drive. While I was there Granny and Grandad arrived to take her two girls to their piano lesson - Thank God for Grandparents!!
Talking of Grandparents. Later in the day (while Daddy was asleep) I took Jamie to the card shop to get some Mothers Day cards. Only it was manic as Jamie lay on the floor; refusing to get up, and then picked a handful of cards off the shelves and threw them on the floor!!
The money will come in handy as I have just bought some new work clothes and a new top to go to a couple of up and coming parties. I don't want to be a slummy mummy! I have actually lost a few pounds in the last few weeks and intend to loose some more - hopefully a stone- before our holiday in 18weeks time. Did I mention I have also given up chocolate and crisps for Lent? Saturday night was hard but I did it!! I also restrained myself from opening the second bottle of wine. And I felt better for it this morning.
Yesterday I felt that I had been neglecting Jamie with working all week and so we had a morning together. I took him to the library - which he loved - and got a small pile of books for him which we all sat in bed last night and read. Then we went to the park and went on the roundabout and the slide. I was very worried when he started climbing up the steps to the top of the slide and so I went up with him. It was very high and I really did not like it so I made Jamie slide down with me. I rang Daddy to ask whether he let him go on his own and he said he did, but he did go up with him to the top. I might not take him again for a while as it was too much stress for Mummy!! We went to the shop and then visited a friend to RSVP their wedding - babysitter arranged!! Then we visited baby Elliot. Elliot's mummy is still suffering after her C Section and struggling even more as she cannot drive. While I was there Granny and Grandad arrived to take her two girls to their piano lesson - Thank God for Grandparents!!
Talking of Grandparents. Later in the day (while Daddy was asleep) I took Jamie to the card shop to get some Mothers Day cards. Only it was manic as Jamie lay on the floor; refusing to get up, and then picked a handful of cards off the shelves and threw them on the floor!!
Wednesday 9 March 2011
Major Meltdown!!!
I turned off the TV at 9am and Jamie had a major meltdown - screaming, crying, lying on the floor, pulling me about. This went on for about 20 minutes. He had a small rest and then we had another 5 minutes! This wore him out though and he is now sleeping peacefully......
I have to say that initially I was a bit frustrated but did find it a little amusing. I was also pleased with myself for not giving in and simply carrying on with tidying up and moving about the house. We did have a big cuddle afterwards and so I don't feel that it has left him permanently scarred!
I have to say that initially I was a bit frustrated but did find it a little amusing. I was also pleased with myself for not giving in and simply carrying on with tidying up and moving about the house. We did have a big cuddle afterwards and so I don't feel that it has left him permanently scarred!
Sunday 6 March 2011
Juggling....
This week I am doing a full week at work and am feeling stressed. Following a request for tips for juggling work/ family / life on Facebook, I received the following tips:
Auntie Hannah said; Plan each meal for the days you are working. Get everything ready the night before (mornings are always a rush!) Do laundry every other day (nothing worse than realising your work trousers aren't clean) Don't stress about cleaning :)
Chris suggested; Buy a slow cooker, put everything in it and turn it on before you go to work. Ready when you get home! And hardly any washing up!!
Sharon said; you'll find that things have a way of working out. You'll also find your own routine. You'll be fine and you'll enjoy different company
Julie added; Do what u can do, and don't feel guilty about not doing things that really don't matter x life is too short x most important things? Jamie, Daddy and your sanity, keep those in tack and u will be happy x
Searching the Internet I found this piece of wisdom:
Remember, it's a balancing act. Most parents never find a moment in which they feel perfectly caught up on all the things they expect themselves to do. If you consider this a normal state you can learn to relax about it. Balance isn’t something you necessarily find as a parent, it is something you are always moving towards. One week you will get lots of good things done at work and the house will be a wreck. The next week, you will leave work early to spend some extra time picking your child up at childcare and hanging out at home. The following week, you might arrange a time for yourself to exercise, but you have to leave your desk a mess and the dishes undone. Balance doesn’t happen in any one instant, but it can happen in the long run.
http://www.ivillage.com/juggling-work-and-family-7-coping-strategies-0/6-n-138349#ixzz1DAWlOSMG
Auntie Hannah said; Plan each meal for the days you are working. Get everything ready the night before (mornings are always a rush!) Do laundry every other day (nothing worse than realising your work trousers aren't clean) Don't stress about cleaning :)
Chris suggested; Buy a slow cooker, put everything in it and turn it on before you go to work. Ready when you get home! And hardly any washing up!!
Sharon said; you'll find that things have a way of working out. You'll also find your own routine. You'll be fine and you'll enjoy different company
Julie added; Do what u can do, and don't feel guilty about not doing things that really don't matter x life is too short x most important things? Jamie, Daddy and your sanity, keep those in tack and u will be happy x
Searching the Internet I found this piece of wisdom:
Remember, it's a balancing act. Most parents never find a moment in which they feel perfectly caught up on all the things they expect themselves to do. If you consider this a normal state you can learn to relax about it. Balance isn’t something you necessarily find as a parent, it is something you are always moving towards. One week you will get lots of good things done at work and the house will be a wreck. The next week, you will leave work early to spend some extra time picking your child up at childcare and hanging out at home. The following week, you might arrange a time for yourself to exercise, but you have to leave your desk a mess and the dishes undone. Balance doesn’t happen in any one instant, but it can happen in the long run.
http://www.ivillage.com/juggling-work-and-family-7-coping-strategies-0/6-n-138349#ixzz1DAWlOSMG
Tuesday 1 March 2011
Final Update on NHS Complaint
After consulting a couple of solicitors we have decided to abandon any thoughts of going any further with my complaint; initially dated June 2008, following my failed operation of 30th April 2008 (see: http://grumpymumtobe.blogspot.com/2008/06/3-weeks-since-my-last-post.html). We have been unable to secure a Clinical Negligence 'No Win, No Fee' policy and if we go ahead on our own it could cost in excess of 3000 and we may not even be successful in getting any compensation. At the end of the day we have ultimately got what we wanted in Jamie so it seems silly to waste time and energy pursuing a complaint just for the sake of it. It would mean getting all my medical records photocopied, having them looked at by an independent medical expert to assess issues of liability, and also having a report done on my condition and prognosis. All that seems a bit of a farce! Yes, I still feel badly treated, but its not to a great degree, and actually it can cause a laugh sometimes!! Sad to say, its what we all expect now in the NHS, but seeing as how I now work for the NHS perhaps I had better keep quiet. So for all our sakes we have decided to file it all down to experience and put the papers in the loft with the mice!!
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