The Mental Health Team I visited in November recommended Overcoming Depression by Paul Gilbert (2000) Robinson, London. I must admit; though I am not totally sure that I am 'suffering' from Depression (I feel its something that comes and goes rather than being with me all the time) I found it very useful. I have therefore highlighted a few of the main and - I think - most important points below:
Shoulds and musts and oughts. We feel very disappointed when things don’t turn out as the ‘should’ says. Depression is commonly associated with blocks to major life goals. It is often helpful therefore, to explore in what way you feel blocked in your goals and/or feel socially thwarted, frustrated and disappointed. This frustration and disappointment will relate to your expectations, hopes, aspirations and ideals. Are your ideals realistic? Are you disappointed because you feel ashamed at not making your ideals?
Emotions and their uses:
Anger tends to be brought into play when goals are blocked – it makes us try harder. It can also be used to retaliate against another person if he/she is the source of the blocking or threat. Anxiety is focused on threats – it gives us a sense of urgency, prompting us to do something to escape or reduce the potential harm of a threat. Disgust makes us want to expel noxious substances or turn away from them. Jealousy may be useful to ensure that actual or potential lovers stay loyal. Love cements bonds and makes people support and care for each other. Guilt makes us wary of exploiting or harming others, and prompts us to try to repair the relationship if we do.
Paul believes (as many others do) that depression is caused by automatic thinking. Once you begin to question your thoughts, you can begin to heal the depression. Think: What is the evidence that may support my belief and what is the evidence that may not support it? How would I typically see this if I were not depressed? To what degree therefore is this way of thinking reflecting my mood state rather than some ‘truth’? What alternatives might there be to this view? What other explanations may there be for this event? If I had a friend who felt like this, how would I help them to see this differently? How could I break this problem down into smaller chunks?
I wish you a Happy New Year - Wherever, Whoever, Whatever you may be!!
Monday 31 December 2007
Friendship - Part Two
Here is the poem I promised about friendship at Christmas:-
Rhyme to remember my friends
I have a list of folks I know, all written in a book.
And every year at Christmas time I go and have a look.
And that is when I realize that these names are a part,
Not of the book they’re written in, but of my very heart.
For each name stands for someone who has crossed my path sometime.
And in that meeting they’ve become the rhythm of rhyme.
And while this sounds fantastic for me to make this claim,
I really feel I am composed of each remembered name.
And while you may not be aware of any special link,
Just meeting you shaped my life more than you think.
For once you’ve met somebody, the years cannot erase.
The memory of a pleasant word or of a friendly face.
So never think my Christmas cards are just a mere routine,
Of names upon a Christmas list, forgotten in between.
For when I send a Christmas card that is addressed to you,
It’s because you’re on the list of folks I am indebted to.
For you are but a total of the many folks I’ve met,
And you happen to be of those I prefer not to forget.
And whether I have known you for many years or few,
In some way you have a part to play in shaping things I do.
For every year when Christmas comes, I realize anew,
The biggest gift that life can give is meeting folks like you.
And may the spirit of Christmas that forever and ever endures
Leave its richest blessing in the hearts of you and yours.
Peter Scarcliffe, Lincoln (This poem appeared in the Lincolnshire Echo a few years ago and I have kept it in my 'Christmas Box' so am reminded of it every year. I don't know Peter, but Thanks to him wherever he may be. )
Rhyme to remember my friends
I have a list of folks I know, all written in a book.
And every year at Christmas time I go and have a look.
And that is when I realize that these names are a part,
Not of the book they’re written in, but of my very heart.
For each name stands for someone who has crossed my path sometime.
And in that meeting they’ve become the rhythm of rhyme.
And while this sounds fantastic for me to make this claim,
I really feel I am composed of each remembered name.
And while you may not be aware of any special link,
Just meeting you shaped my life more than you think.
For once you’ve met somebody, the years cannot erase.
The memory of a pleasant word or of a friendly face.
So never think my Christmas cards are just a mere routine,
Of names upon a Christmas list, forgotten in between.
For when I send a Christmas card that is addressed to you,
It’s because you’re on the list of folks I am indebted to.
For you are but a total of the many folks I’ve met,
And you happen to be of those I prefer not to forget.
And whether I have known you for many years or few,
In some way you have a part to play in shaping things I do.
For every year when Christmas comes, I realize anew,
The biggest gift that life can give is meeting folks like you.
And may the spirit of Christmas that forever and ever endures
Leave its richest blessing in the hearts of you and yours.
Peter Scarcliffe, Lincoln (This poem appeared in the Lincolnshire Echo a few years ago and I have kept it in my 'Christmas Box' so am reminded of it every year. I don't know Peter, but Thanks to him wherever he may be. )
Friday 21 December 2007
Wednesday 19 December 2007
Friendship
You can spend your life trying to be popular but, at the end of the day, the size of the crowd at your funeral will be largely dictated by the weather. Frank Skinner
Friendship is a strange animal and Christmas is the time when cards and emails appear from people you have not seen or heard from in 12 months. Are these people friends or simply acquaintance's? And if we continue sending cards every year, but never see each other again for the next twenty years, is that a good thing? I have a poem somewhere which sums this up beautifully....
Friendship is a strange animal and Christmas is the time when cards and emails appear from people you have not seen or heard from in 12 months. Are these people friends or simply acquaintance's? And if we continue sending cards every year, but never see each other again for the next twenty years, is that a good thing? I have a poem somewhere which sums this up beautifully....
Losing a Baby on Channel 5 (part two)
Back in September I highlighted the Wright Stuff programme where the issue of miscarriages was discussed. I recently re-watched the programme and have highlighted below a number of things that were said:
A quarter of all pregnancies will end in the first 24 weeks.
‘It’s like planting seeds; some of them grow and some of them don’t.’
Marie, Surbiton (Husband)
Its not personal.
It’s like a thousand piece puzzle. You don’t know which piece is missing.
And ultimately; Don’t give up hope.
A quarter of all pregnancies will end in the first 24 weeks.
‘It’s like planting seeds; some of them grow and some of them don’t.’
Marie, Surbiton (Husband)
Its not personal.
It’s like a thousand piece puzzle. You don’t know which piece is missing.
And ultimately; Don’t give up hope.
Old Wives’ Tales – Fact of Fiction?
Carrying Position – the position of the bump is the most cited way of determining the sex of your baby. If it is high and around the sides you are having a girl and if it is low and out front you are having a boy.
Cravings – Sour cravings are meant to be created by boys and sweet cravings are supposed to be caused by girls.
Mothers age and year of conception – if both are odd or both are even then you are likely to have a girl. If one is odd and the other even you are likely to have a boy.
The Key Test – If the mother picks up a house key by the round end it is a girl, if it is grasped by the long end it is a boy. Grabbing the middle means twins.
Hefty Husband – If the father gains weight during pregnancy it is predicted it will be a girl.
The Ring Test – Put a ring on a piece of string or a necklace and hold it over the palm of the hand or the bump. If it swings back and forth it is a boy and if it makes a circular pattern it’s a girl.
Cravings – Sour cravings are meant to be created by boys and sweet cravings are supposed to be caused by girls.
Mothers age and year of conception – if both are odd or both are even then you are likely to have a girl. If one is odd and the other even you are likely to have a boy.
The Key Test – If the mother picks up a house key by the round end it is a girl, if it is grasped by the long end it is a boy. Grabbing the middle means twins.
Hefty Husband – If the father gains weight during pregnancy it is predicted it will be a girl.
The Ring Test – Put a ring on a piece of string or a necklace and hold it over the palm of the hand or the bump. If it swings back and forth it is a boy and if it makes a circular pattern it’s a girl.
Friday 14 December 2007
Another Quote:
The clouds above us join and separate,
The breeze in the courtyard leaves and returns,
Life is like that, so why not relax?
Who can stop us from celebrating?
Lu Yu Quoted in Benjamin Hoff The Tao of Pooh (1984)
The breeze in the courtyard leaves and returns,
Life is like that, so why not relax?
Who can stop us from celebrating?
Lu Yu Quoted in Benjamin Hoff The Tao of Pooh (1984)
Thursday 13 December 2007
Attitude
If you think you are beaten, you are
If you think you dare not, you don’t
If you’d like to win, but think you can’t
It’s almost certain you won’t.
If you think you’ll lose, you’ve lost
For out of the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will –
It’s all in the state of mind.
If you think you’re outclassed, you are
You’ve got to think high to rise
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.
Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the one who thinks he can.
If you think you dare not, you don’t
If you’d like to win, but think you can’t
It’s almost certain you won’t.
If you think you’ll lose, you’ve lost
For out of the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will –
It’s all in the state of mind.
If you think you’re outclassed, you are
You’ve got to think high to rise
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.
Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the one who thinks he can.
Self Help
Well, its been a weird year and I thought I would end it with a weekend of reading ‘self help’ books. I was given one recommendation at my visit to the Mental Health Team and the rest I had on either my Amazon wish list or I just happened to pick them up the library when I was there… The first one (the smallest) I read most of while The Bull was taking his Grade 7 Piano Exam this morning. This was one I just picked off the shelf at the library. It was Notes From A Friend by Anthony Robbins. One of the quotes he gave was: Beliefs are like tables. We can develop them about anything if we just find enough legs to support them.
Another one I picked off the shelf was (Help Yourself) Release Your Stress by Susan Balfour. What was good about this book was that she gave a biological explanation of rapid and shallow breathing; which I felt helped me to really understand my feelings of panic. Comments such as; It is a physiological fact that you cannot feel anxious and breathe calmly at the same time, so learning to breathe correctly gives you the key for controlling your emotional responses.
I also liked this comment made by Anne Jones in The Ripple Effect: A Guide to Creating Your Personal Spirituality; Most of our anxieties come from worrying about what is going to happen. Deliberately stop from time to time in your day and think about what is happening to you at the present moment. Enjoy the moment and think about now, not the past or the future.
Another one I picked off the shelf was (Help Yourself) Release Your Stress by Susan Balfour. What was good about this book was that she gave a biological explanation of rapid and shallow breathing; which I felt helped me to really understand my feelings of panic. Comments such as; It is a physiological fact that you cannot feel anxious and breathe calmly at the same time, so learning to breathe correctly gives you the key for controlling your emotional responses.
I also liked this comment made by Anne Jones in The Ripple Effect: A Guide to Creating Your Personal Spirituality; Most of our anxieties come from worrying about what is going to happen. Deliberately stop from time to time in your day and think about what is happening to you at the present moment. Enjoy the moment and think about now, not the past or the future.
Sunday 2 December 2007
On the first day of Christmas....
Well, actually its now the 2nd December and I have been neglecting my blog. Following the 'blues' referred to in the last post, I thought it a good idea to go and see my Dr who then referred me to the local Mental Health Team. My initial appointment came through very quickly and I saw a nice lady who suggested I was 'Depressed'. I admit I suffer from anxiety and stress but to be told I am 'depressed' was a bit upsetting as I am one of the most jolly people I know!! Or am I? Anyway, she suggested a number of books that might be helpful and her closing words were to Increase Pleasures and Decrease Responsibilities!! So I am going to try...
I have tried to chill this week and went to see a friend who dyed my eyelashes and gave me a french manicure. More of this I think, as I felt very relaxed!! I was on my own last night so tried to get my house in order for Christmas and read through some of the books etc. that have proved helpful in the past. The main areas I need to focus on at the moment are:
Forget Should and Ought. Just think 'I would like to...'
Concentrate on my self worth and not my achievement.
Express my needs. Eliminate Negatives.
Set lower and more realistic standards.
Prioritise. Don't overload my timetable!
Take time out to exercise and relax.
Look towards the pleasure of success rather than the fear of failure.
And this should lead to a very Merry Christmas!!??
I have tried to chill this week and went to see a friend who dyed my eyelashes and gave me a french manicure. More of this I think, as I felt very relaxed!! I was on my own last night so tried to get my house in order for Christmas and read through some of the books etc. that have proved helpful in the past. The main areas I need to focus on at the moment are:
Forget Should and Ought. Just think 'I would like to...'
Concentrate on my self worth and not my achievement.
Express my needs. Eliminate Negatives.
Set lower and more realistic standards.
Prioritise. Don't overload my timetable!
Take time out to exercise and relax.
Look towards the pleasure of success rather than the fear of failure.
And this should lead to a very Merry Christmas!!??
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