Visiting Time

Went to visit a good friend – as in a friend who has been good to me – this morning, but came away thinking perhaps it had been all me and I had not listened as much as I had talked. It was easy to see she is suffering with an 8 week old who is not sleeping through the night (like her first) and is throwing up everything that he is fed.

This is what my friend had to say about 'the trouble' in a previous email:
All I can say is the less stress you put on yourself the better when trying to conceive and in the first 12 weeks. Also we lost our baby over a year ago it was about 11 weeks old we never got an explanation but they always say it is down to chromozones but luckily 3 months later I conceived again and went full term. Strange thing was or coincidence he was born on the day I lost our baby!!! It has taken me a while to come to terms with loosing our baby but we bought a willow tree ornament angel in memory of our baby and its on my mantlepiece with all my other willow tree ornaments representing all our family. I know its hard right now but it does get easier. Just give yourself time to grieve properly and don't rush into anything.

And then today my visit to the Psychologist was cancelled. Part of me was pleased, but part of me had really wanted a chat. I think this was because I didn’t get much of a chat yesterday (what with 2 young children about) . I don’t really want to bother those closest, as they have heard it all before. What is the problem I hear you ask? Simply that I am worried I am not getting any better, but fear I may be getting worse. I still feel mildly anxious a lot of the time. When I analyze this, my problem seems to be fear of illness i.e. fear of being ill. Fear of Miscarriage again? I am worried about a) getting pregnant and b) loosing it again. I am sure this is perfectly normal but it seems to cast a shadow over things at the moment.