Tuesday 7th April / Wednesday 8th April

2.45pm Put my expressed breast milk in the fridge and it looked a bit pathetic next to some of the other bottles in there but it’s a start. Been promised that tomorrow more will come as day 3 for me (but day 4 for Jamie).

Can’t believe the amount of clothes that already need to be washed! Thank god for Nanna helping out! And how thick am I? I mentioned to someone that Jamie kept scratching his face. ‘Have you got any scratch mits?’ she asked. Of course. That what they are for!! Obvious really!

22.45pm It was so busy yesterday that I felt I did not have a moment to myself. Today was better, but the Bull went to work and I had to do the tube feeds myself, and then Jamie pulled out the tube. Then my mother arrived which I had been waiting for so I could have a bath, but she brought Auntie with her and I ended up staying to chat and not getting my bath after all. After they had gone and I had changed and fed Jamie I had a headache, my legs ached and I suddenly thought I was going to die. Like a panic attack from the old days all the terrible thoughts started racing in my head. However, the Dr came and checked me over and there was nothing physically wrong with me; other than lack of sleep and the pressure of little Jamie relying on me for his feeds, not being able to breast feed, never getting my bath, being constipated and the extra problem of not knowing when we will be allowed home. Realised that at 5am this morning I will have been in hospital for a whole week – no wonder I feel stressed! Oh and Jamie did a projectile sick today after he had been fed. I panicked that he was going to choke on his own vomit. It was very scary!

8th April Had a bad couple of days but I think I am feeling better tonight. As long as I don’t think about panicking about panicking I should be OK. I think it just got too much for me and all of a sudden was overwhelmed. However, it did get me discussed at handover and the ladies from the Transition Team came and visited me first thing. After I had had a cry they said ‘we may be able to get you home Monday’. This seemed a long way off when they said it, but now its only 4 days away…and as it is bank holiday, hospital is probably the best place for me as there would be no support in the community.

3am Jamie pulls out his tube. Still trying to breast feed and been told to concentrate on the following:
Tummy to Mummy.
Nose to Nipple.
Breast Feeding (not Nipple Feeding).