Finally took down all the cards....

Jamie is 8 weeks old today and I have only just taken down all his cards. This is mainly because they have still been arriving - the last one coming last Saturday. Can you believe he got a grand total of 73 cards - that's more than I got for my 40th!!

Tonight we are going out for the first time on our own without Jamie and Nanna is babysitting. I have had my 6 week check with the Dr and I seem to be back on track. She mentioned my stitches may make things feel a little 'tighter'. Not sure about me and daddy, but I hope Jamie behaves himself as he has been all up and down with regards to his feeding and sleeping over the last few days - consequently I may need more make up than usual when we go out tonight!

Returning to Pre-Pregnancy Size....

This week I joined weight watchers in order to try and shift the 2+ stone I am still carrying about. My pre-pregnancy weight was 10 stone 11, and I currently weight 12 stone 8 and a half!! The last time I weighed myself during the pregnancy - which I think was a few weeks before Jamie arrived - I weighed 13 and a half!! I have said I should like to loose 2 stone by Christmas which is 32 weeks (til Christmas Day!) so that is feasible!! I have done all my measurements, started to reduce portion sizes and calorie content, and just need to find some time (and energy) to fit some exercise into my routine!!

I am no longer expressing breast milk so Jamie will not suffer as a result of my diet. A lot of people mentioned while I was pregnant the fact that breastfeeding helps you to loose weight. I am not sure whether or not this is actually true or another 'fact' that they tell you in order to try to persuade you. I do feel that I have a certain amount of guilt attached to myself at the mo. because I am not breastfeeding!! Jamie seems happy enough and is certainly gaining weight at a rapid rate so I don't think it has done him any harm!! He had his 6 week check yesterday and all is perfect!! He is still waking quite a bit during the night and the Health Visitor suggested that he might not be hungry but might actually just have wind. She suggested giving him gripe water before each feed to help with his wind!

Remember....

You'll never have enough money to buy all the stuff you don't really need, and you'll never have enough time to do all the things you really don't want to do. www.timetowrite.blogs.com/

Sylvia Plath: On seeing her newborn baby

What did my fingers do before they held him?
What did my heart do, with its love?
I have never seen a thing so clear.
His lids are like the lilac flower
And soft as a moth, his breath.
I shall not let go.
There is no guile or warp in him.
May he keep so.

Sylvia Plath
(Three Women: A Poem for Three Voices – 1962)

Due Date

Today is Jamie’s official due date. But of course he will be 5 weeks old on Saturday. He now weighs 7lb 5oz (weighed Tuesday) and is gaining at a steady rate!! (Normal rate = 4-7oz a week). He has outgrown most of the ‘Tiny Baby’ clothes that he has been wearing since hospital and has moved up to ‘Newborn’ – but not for much longer I think! Visitors in the last few days have all commented on how much he has grown – chiefly because he has recently become a total milk monster!! I am still having the few odd tears but most of the time I do feel calmer. Daddy thinks the tears are because I have not really been out much (although I have had a number of visitors) and so today I have been trying to organise a few trips out for myself – with and without Jamie. Nanna has agreed to baby-sit for us in a few weeks, and today she fed and changed her grandson for the first time! One friend who visited this week told of a new mother who had a conversation with her about buying sausages – I don’t want this to happen to me. I can already feel my brain turning into a slow mush and I have had trouble remembering words; so I know I need to get out and interact with people other than my son. Daddy says this will also make me appreciate him more when I return. I have also given up on the dream of being a total earth mother and resigned myself to the fact that Jamie is not going to breast feed and he actually seems to like formulae milk. I have consequently stopped expressing milk, but can feel proud that Jamie had the ‘good stuff’ for the first 5 weeks of his life. This has already helped with my sanity as it gives me a few more hours in the day. Information regarding my breasts returning to ‘normal’ on the internet range from anywhere between 3 days to 3 weeks. I can’t say he is in any form of routine yet but I do feel it has (so far) been easier than expected….and I am enjoying motherhood so far – honest!!

Home Duties

(Home Duties is what I have put on Jamie’s birth certificate as my occupation!)

I found the first few days on my own were quite stressful. It didn’t help that the Health Visitor visited the first day that Daddy returned to work and found me in tears. However, since then I have had a number of visitors which has filled our days, and I even ventured out for the first time on my own with Jamie. It was May’s last day at LCC so it wasn’t a long way to go and I felt so proud of myself that I was able to put in the take out the car seat by myself. Of course everyone was cooing over Jamie and it felt good to be back in the ‘real world’ for a while!

On Friday (1st May) I went to see the Dr for the first time – primarily to discuss contraception but also to get Jamie registered at the practice. On discharge from the hospital I was given some information (Paediatric Department: Discharge Summary and Prescription) to pass onto the GP and I had a quick peak…..

Method of Onset of Labour: Spontaneous rupture of membranes
1st Stage: 6hrs 45mins
2nd Stage: 32 mins (Full Dilation)
3rd Stage: 3 mins (Delivery of Placenta)

Apgar Score of 9 given after 1 and 5 minutes.
The Apgar score occurs right after your baby's birth in the delivery room. The test was designed to quickly evaluate a newborn's physical condition after delivery and to determine any immediate need for extra medical or emergency care. Five factors are used to evaluate the baby's condition and each factor is scored on a scale of 0 to 2, with 2 being the best score:
activity and muscle tone / pulse (heart rate) / grimace response (medically known as "reflex irritability") / appearance (skin coloration) / respiration (breathing rate and effort)

Scores obtainable are between 10 and 0, with 10 being the highest possible score. A baby who scores a 7 or above on the test at 1 minute after birth is generally considered in good health. However, a lower score doesn't necessarily mean that your baby is unhealthy or abnormal. But it may mean that your baby simply needs some special immediate care, such as suctioning of the airways or oxygen to help him or her breathe, after which your baby may improve. At 5 minutes after birth, the Apgar score is recalculated, and if your baby's score hasn't improved to 7 or greater, or there are other concerns, the doctors and nurses may continue any necessary medical care and will closely monitor your baby. Some babies are born with heart or lung conditions or other problems that require extra medical care; others just take a little longer than usual to adjust to life outside the womb. Most newborns with initial Apgar scores of less than 7 will eventually do just fine. http://kidshealth.org/parent/newborn/first_days/apgar.html

Sunday 26th April

The visitors who wanted to come last week came today. As there were two sets plus Nanna, I managed to get them all to come at once. This meant that it was quite noisy and chaotic for an hour or so but once they had all gone it meant we had more time to ourselves as a family and got to take a nice leisurely walk in the sun. I thought it would be a good idea to walk to the local pub and have a drink outside. I had forgot about the smoking ban which now means when you sit outside all you can smell is smoke!! Time to investigate some ‘family friendly’ pubs and restaurants!! One thing I remember being told in hospital is that after a cigarette, a smoker still has that smoke on/with them for 45mins afterwards – which a baby can breathe. We don’t have many friends / family that smoke but it certainly gives you something to think about; especially as smoking is one of the factors often mentioned with regards to cot death.

Monday 27th April Daddy’s last day of Paternity leave. The sun has disappeared and it’s raining. We were discharge from the Transitional Care Team and once again I thank them for their support.

I received my phone Bill for the last month and it was £47.79 – My Usual bill is about £15 !!

Wednesday 22nd April

Today we took Jamie to be registered. He is now officially Jamie George Francis Simpson. What I did not realize is that if we get married we will have to re-register Jamie as currently we are classed as single parents. We had been told that the registrar could get a bit funny if you were not married but she seemed ok with us. What was funny was that there was a couple in the next room having a major argument – had one of them decided they did not like the baby’s name at the last moment, or was she unsure of who the real father was? What was coincidental is that the Echo sent an email asking if we would be interviewed for a piece on couples who choose not to marry…

Thursday 23rd April The Transitional Care Team came first thing to take out Jamie’s tube, but he had already pulled it himself. Because of this we had tried him on a bottle yesterday for the first time and he had taken to it brilliantly. He finally looks like a normal baby.

Friday 24th April Today we asked loads of questions, such as ‘Can they poo too much?’ The team told of a baby who did not poo for 4 days but was told that this was quite normal. Pooing a lot is nothing to worry about. The only real worries are if the baby is being sick or isn’t eating. Jamie has put on more weight and is doing well. The team didn’t seem to mind that we had moved Jamie onto a bottle with a mixture of formulae and expressed milk. They said some of their midwife associates might, but the important thing was that Jamie was feeding well. Gave Jamie his second bath tonight. This time without his tube. It was a lot easier he certainly seemed better and happier for it.

Received my Health in Pregnancy Grant from the government today (HMRC) http://campaigns.direct.gov.uk/money4mum2be/ £190 thank you!!

Saturday 25th April Jamie actually woke us up in the night about 3 / 4 hourly. Not really crying but jiffling about and we could hear him sucking his fists. We have not given up totally on breast feeding but he is still not interested. I did read today that I should be expressing every 3 hours. I am afraid that this is not the case. Jamie has been having expressed breast milk during the day and then formulae in the night. I asked whether we could feed Jamie too much as he seems to be wanting more than the 74ml he was on when tube feeding. I was told to feed him as much as he wants. This could get expensive. He is having approximately 100ml per feed at the moment.

If breastfeeding, I had read that Newborns need to nurse 10-12 times in 24hrs. At least 8-12times a day. 6-8 wet nappies in 24hrs / 3-5 bowel movements per day means baby is getting enough milk.

Friday 17th April (Should be 37 weeks pregnant)

Transitional Care Team visited again. Jamie is sucking his hands but is still not going to the breast or waking to be fed. We are currently cup feeding him 10-20ml and the rest is going via the tube. It was suggested that we stroke his upper lip to try to get him to open his mouth to feed. However, Sue suggested that perhaps we were being too soft with him….

Saturday 18th April Should have been at a 40th party this evening but I had a long day and just felt like having a bath and sharing some quiet time with Jamie. Daddy has gone and taken the card and pressie but promised to be home for Jamie’s feed at 11pm. It was a bit of a stressful day as Jamie had pulled out his tube last night. This was fine to start with as we were able to get him to take 70ml via the cup. However, at the next feed he only managed 40ml. We ended up taking him to the Neonatal unit to have another tube fitted. It was Helen from the Transition Team who saw us and had a chat about his feeding etc. and gave us a few more tips about breast feeding. However, I feel I am all ‘tipped out’. We seem to have had loads of advice and yet he still refuses to latch on!! It’s no wonder I feel a bit tearful!

Sunday 19th April Quiet day at home today – mainly as we had put off visitors. We really needed time to ourselves. My Auntie (on my dad’s side) rang to see how we were as it turned out that, although my mum said she would keep her informed, she hadn’t and Auntie did not know I was out of hospital until she saw my cousin this morning who I had sent an email!!

Monday 20th April Jamie was weighted again today and he is putting on weight nicely. Jamie’s first bath!! Must remember to put the cold water in first then add the hot. I had been to a demonstration on the ward but when you come to do it for the first time panic sets in.

Thursday 16th April

Midwife and Health Visitor visited and Midwife handed over to Health Visitor. My actual Health Visitor is off sick and the one covering her is on leave so there will be someone else who visits next week. She came loaded with leaflets and gave a brief run down of what each contained. I wondered what happened to mothers who had difficulty reading or for whom English was not their first language….. She seemed obsessed with contraception!! I spent the afternoon wading through the leaflets that she gave me, and then felt guilty that I had not spent enough time with Jamie but had allowed myself to get snowed under in ‘paperwork’.

Trying to tidy up but feel guilty about leaving Jamie. Dad is coping very well – apart from the lack of sleep – and is loving the skin to skin. I suppose I am still worried about getting too close to Jamie in case anything happens – which it won’t. I know this all stems from my Dads death and is completely irrational but..…just looking at Jamie I am overcome with such love and it creates such fear. As Dad says we need to live for the moment and appreciate the time we have NOW and anyway NOTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN. I worried all the way through the pregnancy and it all went well and Jamie is a perfect baby.

Monday 13th April - Finally released!!

Today was rather stressful as I thought I would never get out. Although the Transitional Care Team had seen me and Jamie on Friday and had organized for my midwife to come Tuesday morning and for the team to come in Tuesday afternoon, the midwife who was looking after me Monday didn’t seem to know about any of this. She kept saying ‘I don’t think you will be going home while he still has his tube in’. I just kept saying (in an increasingly louder voice) ‘Its all been organised’. Finally, she spoke to someone on the Neo-natal unit who confirmed this was indeed the case but it seemed to take most of the day. But then suddenly we were outside for the first time in 13 days!!

I cannot stress how fantastic the Transitional Care Team were throughout the time we were under their care – both in hospital and once we got home. The team told us that they have only been in place since December; so if Jamie had been born before then he would have ended up on the Neonatal Unit and we would still have been in hospital. Apparently, it costs £400-600 per day to have a child in the Neonatal unit but it works out considerably cheaper in the community.