Discipline – what really matters?

Love Successful discipline can only come when there is a strong framework of love, being wanted, respected, cared for and feeling important. If children don’t have their prerequisite it is both difficult and unwise to firmly mould behavior.

Consistency Children need to know the limits and exactly what is expected of them. They should sense that their parents are in agreement and in charge. Discipline must be applied consistently and not depend on the fluctuating moods of a tired mum or dad.

Staying calm and in control Don’t argue, don’t debate, don’t stir, don’t chuck an adult ‘wobbly’, don’t shoot from the hip.

Communicating convincingly Use the positive live; ‘This is the way it is going to be!’ Discard the wishy-washy approach.

Avoiding Trouble Toddler proof your home, don’t fight over trivialities, recognize when you are on a losing wicket.

Boosting the best Reward the behavior you want with encouragement interest, warmth, fun and attention. More tangible rewards may be given, even bribes.

Underplaying the desired Try to dampen down the unwanted behavior. Don’t rise to the bait. Become skilled in the art of selective blindness and deafness. Don’t get it back to front where you spend so much time fussing, fighting and encouraging the bad that the good moments pass unnoticed. Sometimes parents strand too close to see who is scoring the points.

Common sense and cunning Recognize and avoid triggers to bad behavior. Divert attention. Keep little bodies busy. We parents cannot give full attention all the time, so learn to use side stream attention.

Sensible Expectations Little children are not adults and will not behave as adults. Listen to what they are telling us, as their behavior may not need disciplining, but comfort, reassurance and a cuddle.

Safety Valves When your tired parental brain is close to self-destruct, use Time Out to separate the warring parties. Use a bedroom, go outside, find space and engage in an activity.

Remember Tension at home, parental point-scoring, depression, conflicting opinions, confidence in your boots, all make effective discipline difficult. Each one of these can be helped, but we parents need to be committed to lift our game.

Sense of humour The toddler antics I see before me each day could only be classed as amazing. Keep smiling, this circus doesn’t go on forever.