Adjusting Your Mothering

A few years ago I borrowed Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph (www.stevebiddulph.com) and I thought it was time to dip in again.  These are the links to the two posts i wrote in 2012:

http://grumpymumtobe.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/bringing-up-boys.html 
http://grumpymumtobe.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/raising-boys-testosterone.html

Enjoy your little boy while you can, Steve writes.  I feel like I am loosing a little bit more of my little boy every day.

Steve goes onto say; The 6 to 14 year old boy still adores his mother (I hope) and has plenty to learn from her.  But his interest are changing - he is becoming more focused on what men have to offer.  A boy knows that he is turning into a man.  He has to 'download the software' from an available male to complete his development. The mothers job is to relax about this, an stay warm and supportive.  The fathers job is to progressively step up his involvement.

As a boy grows from helpless baby to towering teenager, your parenting style has to adjust with him.  To begin with, you're 'the boss', providing constant supervision.  In the school years you teach, monitor and set limits.

In the primary school years a lot of gentle steering and helping goes on.  Mothers watch their son's activities for dangers or for a lack of balalnce.  Encorage your son toinvite friends over, and be kind to and chat to them.  Feeding them always helps!  Ask them for their points of view and their ideas about school and their lives.

Steve also discusses boys 'shutting down their bodies'.  Little boys are full of feelings and energies he writes, but in the jungle of the schoolyard they soon grow ashamed of useful and healthy emotions like sadness, fear or tenderness.  To make himself cope, a boy suppresses his feelings and tenses his body.  If you touch the shoulders of a 10 year old boy, you will often find that his muscles are rock-hard with tension.  Then, one day, puberty strikes!  The boy is suddenly aware of a wonderful feeling of 'aliveness', of quickening - all located in the one place! Its no wonder that a boy soon attaches all his feelings of closeness (and all his sense of aliveness and wellbeing) to the activities of his penis.  Boys want to feel alive in their bodies.  That'd why they like music with a heavy beat, and why they love activity, speed and danger.  They instinctively know this can help them break through into manhood.  A boy who enjoys his body and can hug his mum and dad often has many ways to feel good - dancing, drumming, or playing sport for the buzz of the game.  For these boys, sex carries a little less weight - its a pleasure rather than an obsession.

Re- reading the book, I must remember to borrow it again around age 13 when the real changes begin.  God help me!!