My Son is a Bully!

Went to see the twins yesterday. This was the first time we had seen them in a few weeks and it was the first time all 3 children were walking. It was also the first time they were all really 'playing' with all the toys the twins have. Unfortunately, Jamie does not seem to like sharing and there was a bit of pushing and not exactly snatching; but he did seem to always want what Luke had. He wasn't like it all the time we were there, and by the time we left they were all playing nicely, but it was still a worry. Michelle suggested that Jamie was just exerting his presence as it wasn't his house. This would tie in with Noah's similar behaviour when he first started coming to us on a Monday. Unfortunately the twins are off on their hols this week so we won't see them for a while - that's if we are allowed back!!

A recent post from Bounty www.bounty.com/toddler/parenting/helping-your-child-make-friends?WT.mc_id=50002 helped alleviate some of my worries:

Having friends will not only give your child better self-esteem, but also teach them key social skills such as how to be kind, how to share and how to resolve conflicts.

Building friendships
The easiest way to help your child with their friendships is to schedule play-dates with other mothers who have children the same age as yours, or the mum of a child your child has taken a shine to. If you don’t know other mothers, potential play-dates can always be found in the park, at the library and at toddler groups. Watch who your child plays with and make friends with their mum.

When hosting a play-date the trick is to keep it simple:
· More than two children at the same time, is usually too many for you and your child to handle.
· Plan the date around a good time, usually post nap and limit the date to two hours.
· Prepare your child for what’s going to happen in advance of the play-date.
· Talk to your child about the toys they would like to share on the play-date (put away any special ones if you fear an all-out war).

It may be tempting to step in, but try not to interfere. The idea is to get your child used to being with other children and start the process of playing together. However, don’t panic if this doesn’t happen right away as it’s often down to the stages of play that occur at different ages:
· Between 0 - 1 ½ years your child is likely to play alone.
· From 2 - 2 ½ your child will play side by side (parallel play) with another child.
· From 2 ½ - 3 your child will begin to interact with other children.
· Above 4 years your child will show a preference for friends and play happily with other children.

What to do about sharing, discipline, fighting
Sharing is very difficult for small children to grasp and as a result it won’t really sink in until your child is about 2 ½ to 3 years old. Up until then help them out by showing them sharing can be fun. Give them things to share on a play-date such as stickers, or get the kids to share tasks together or give them puzzles where they have to take turns.

The one area to act quickly on is physical squabbles and fights. A simple explanation that pushing / biting / hitting is not acceptable is enough, and then divert both children’s attention with an activity or snack.

Some shy or anxious children can find play-dates excruciating and may cling to your side and refuse to play at all. If this happens, don’t give up. The more play-dates you arrange, the more comfortable your child will become. Help build their confidence by introducing activities that keep you close (colouring, puzzles etc) but still allow them to play independently.

Keep building social skills
Outside of a play-date keep practicing social skills. The relationship they have at home with you will be a template for many of their future friendships.
· When playing together practice sharing and taking turns with toys, books and games.
· Talk about empathy, kindness and other people’s feelings especially when your child gets upset or he upsets another child.
· Help him to practice listening skills and understanding what someone else wants and acting on it.
· Finally, help your child to cope with rejection. This can be the toughest thing for you to deal with, as no parent likes to see his or her child brushed off. What’s important is to support them. Just being there to comfort them will help boost their self-esteem, and help them to build the inner resources they need to cope with the ups and downs of having friends.

Toddlers and Television

In my last post I mentioned that Jamie has become quite aware now of the Television; loving 'In the Night Garden' and some of the other shows on CBeebies www.bbc.co.uk/cbeebies/ It is a great temptation to just sit him in front of the TV and leave him; while I go off and do something else, but I am aware that that is not a good thing for Jamie. I have started to limit TV to a couple of Night Gardens a day and perhaps half an hour more of something else if he (or mummy) needs a quiet time!!

I must say however, that in the last week or so Jamie has been going to bed without much trouble at all. We have been watching the Bedtime Hour on CBeedies; while he has his bedtime milk. He then goes off to his cot without much fuss at all (touch wood this will continue!).

Tips regarding TV use (from www.bounty.com/toddler/2-years/toddlers-and-television?WT.mc_id=50002) :

* Be in charge of what they watch right from the start. Watch TV with them so you can talk about the programme together, then switch it off.
* Choose programmes made for their age group, those with lots of activity for them to copy and the repetition that they love at this age.
* Don’t let them watch more than an hour a day.
* Don’t get into the habit of using the TV as a ‘babysitter’ while you catch up on the housework or make a phone call.

* Despite the worry about the pester-power effect of ads on impressionable youngsters, under-sevens don’t really recall the specific brands they see in TV commercials. But they do ask for more toys than children who don’t watch much commercial television. So if you’d prefer your toddler’s first words not to be ‘I want’ then stick with CBeebies, or record other channel’s programmes so that they can watch at a time that suits you, and fast forward through the ads.

One of the responses from a mum I thought was worth while highlighting and that was:
Every moment our kids spend watching a favorite program is a moment they don’t spend reading a book, or socializing with friends, or exercising outside. It’s a moment they don’t spend practicing an instrument or drawing a picture. To much TV can lead to them growing up to fast, behaviour problems, only wanting what they see on tv i.e food, toys etc.

So, I must endeavour (while still at home full time) to ensure that Jamie's days are full and varied and TV only makes up a small percentage of the day!

Time flys by....

So many people said; 'Appreciate Jamie. Time goes so quick. He won't be a baby very long' when he was born, and it was easy to ignore them. But them BAMM! He's almost grown up!! I can't believe just how many changes have happened in the last week or two. I miss my blog for a few days due to sickness etc. and when I return there seems to be loads to report. Just this morning I commented how I thought Jamie had grown in the night - this happens quite a lot actually - and then he was running round the house (yes, walking has been mastered!) and shouting like a little boy. Its gonna be madness when we can actually understand what he is saying!! And I don't see that being too long as his level of understanding is amazing (I think) and he is certainly coming on leaps and bounds with his words. At the moment anything beginning with B or D is getting a good try and his favourite word at the moment seems to be Nanana - as he loves Bananas. When we go walking or when he sees one on the TV, Jamie delights in shouting 'Doggie' and of course when he gets hold of the TV controller he asks for 'Nnnight' (Garden)!! We continue to tell him what things are and just this week we have started to do Sssssssake with him which he thinks is brilliant and has begun to try to imitate the ssssssss sound himself.

He was sat on the bed with us the other night and we were thinking back to when he used to sit between our legs to have his bottle. Now his legs are up to our chins and he sits and feeds himself. All of a sudden he is on ‘proper’ food – tins of spaghetti shapes, potatoes, vegetables as well as eating whatever we have on our plates - sarnies, chips, pasta, salmon etc. and he has been drinking his juice out of a free flow / no spill cup for weeks now! (Saying that I have had to purchase another bottle for his night-time milk as the old one cracked in the microwave and he refuses to drink his milk in anything else!) Saturday afternoon we went to celebrate Auntie Judith and Uncle Ians 40th Wedding Anniversary and we all shared a plate of the (very nice) buffet; with Jamie just taking off what he wanted.

Jamie's awareness of things around him; other children, people, animals, TV etc. continues to grow, although he still does not appreciate the pain he can cause by biting or pinching, and he still finds it funny! Babysigning has therefore gone to another level as he is almost 'playing' with the children his age. None of them seem to appreciate the idea of sharing just yet but at least the mummies are trying to emphasise this!

My friend Karen and her hubby came for tea a few weeks back as we could not get a babysitter. She is a Paediatric Nurse and so I was a bit worried what she might say.....but she seemed to think we were doing everything correct – except for letting him fall asleep on us instead of in his cot. When they came, we said to come about 7.30 so that Jamie would be in bed, but unfortunately he was still awake so we made the fatal mistake of getting him up. He was in his element – smiling and giggling and generally being a show off. He ended up sitting with us all while we had our Chinese and helping with the prawn crackers. Then he started dozing off and so daddy took him into his room, but he was so stimulated that he would not go to sleep. Karen suggested just leaving him to cry for 10mins; which we did, and amazing he feel asleep not long after. I know we are supposed to put him down awake rather than asleep but we like our nightly cuddle and I suppose it is easier for us all; especially as they show 'In the Night Garden' as part of the bedtime hour on CBeebies. Must try harder.....

Glad thats over...

Yesterday I had my first real interview in about 10 years. The last 'real' interview I had was when I worked at the Police HQ. After I left there, the two jobs I had started as temp jobs and the interviews were more like chats. Yesterday certainly felt more than a chat; especially as I had an 'exercise' to complete before the actual interview. But I think I did better than I had expected. I gave myself a 7 out of 10 and now I am trying not to think about it and move on to the next application - which I have just emailed off....

It has been 8 weeks since I left the Library Service and I think I do miss the routine of having a job to go to. Of course the money is another factor that we are missing, but I do believe that the more you do, the more you get done and I feel the last 8 weeks have been a bit flat....

Not that I don't like being at home with Jamie, but I feel he gets a bit fed up with me all the time. Saying that, we are lucky that I have been not working while the schools are closed over the summer, so we have been able to do a lot of things with other children - both older than Jamie and also ones who have teachers for parents and who we don't see that much of!! And of course we have been lucky that Daddy had 2 weeks off with us during those 8 weeks.

In the last 8 weeks we have been swimming with Ella and Emily - which Jamie loved. It was the first time Jamie wore arm bands and to start with he kept taking them off but I think when he saw Ella had hers on, he didn't seem to mind so much. And he didn't mind the girls splashing him - in fact, he laughed so much it was a joy to see!! It was also great that when he got water in his mouth he didn't seem to be too upset about it. He didn't cry. He just spluttered a bit and then carried on. We had a lovely time and I hope to go next week with them before the girls go back to school. We were also supposed to go swimming with Sophie and her mum but that had to be cancelled as Nanna was ill.

I have taken Jamie to DramaBugs as well as Baby Signing - although these both cost money. It is nice to see other children on a 'Play Date' instead. We had hoped to go to the Sure Start Center last week (as the sessions are free) and meet Oliver and Megan, but Jamie decided to go for his nap just before we were due to meet!!

And of course we now have Noah all day on a Monday, as his Grandad has had an operation on his foot and isn't able to look after him in a morning at the moment. Nanna has been helping though so it hasn't been too difficult. Jamie and Noah do seem to enjoy playing together and the 5 months age difference seems to get less noticeable every time they meet. Noah is just about walking now!!

So, fingers crossed for the next week or so as we wait for the outcome from my interview but time to organise a few more play dates for Jamie...

Been a bit sickly....

Where has August gone already? I have a spare 5 minutes while Jamie is (hopefully) having a long nap. Unfortunately, I have been neglecting my blog. Chiefly this is because both me and Jamie got a terrible cough /cold, and then I had just about recovered and I decided it would be a good idea to eat something with mould on!! I remember thinking; 'It will be alright' but unfortunately it wasn't!! Today and yesterday I have been trying to get to grips with all the jobs that I have neglected and are now screaming to be done. And then there is the small matter of an interview to prepare for on Thursday....

Normal Service will be Resumed Shortly (I promise!)....

Packets of Seeds

‘We should think of our children as being like unmarked packets of seeds. It is not for us to decide what plant the seeds will become but simply to do everything we can to help the seeds grow into the plant that they are naturally meant to be.’

Rebecca Abrams (Journalist and Writer).
Quoted in: Family Life Made Easy by Grace Saunders, Arrow Books (2009)

My Son is a Genius - Part 2

He can now feed himself with a spoon!

Its gonna get very messy.......