I Hope You Dance

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat, but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances, but they're worth taking
Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give fate a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance, I hope you dance

Lee Ann Womack

Doctors Appointment (4)

Had a terrible day yesterday. Woke up feeling ok (though had been really tired Thursday night) but then during the morning I got a pain in my abdomen. I know it was the abdomen as I rang NHS Direct (0845 46 47) and she asked me to identify where it was. While on the phone to the nurse (after first answering the same questions with someone else!) I can honestly say I was really panicking for the first time. Although most of my answers were a NO (I don't have back pain, My legs feel OK, I am not clammy etc) I could still see where I might end up. I really didn't want to go to the hospital and this was the first thing I said to Dr Dale when I got there at 2.50pm; approx. 4 hours later. Dr Dale previously sent me to hospital when she suspected I had an eptopic pregnancy. That time it turned out to be 'only' a UTI - although it was painful enough. This time however, by the time I got to the Drs I had calmed down and so had the pain. Probably nothing to be worried about, but if I am still worried Monday she says to bring a urine sample in to be checked for an infection. All I can really do at the moment is hold tight until the scan on the 17th August and try not to think about why the time is dragging so slowly at the moment!!

Doctors Appointment (3)

Went to the Doctor yesterday morning as its been a week since she signed me off. She asked about how I felt (not good) and about my walking (once every other day) at the mo. Been signed off for another two weeks.

Feeling very bad about not being at work now, but everyone I tell just says I need to chill out and look after myself and not think about work. Its hard not to. I feel so sorry for poor old Matthew having to cover for me, Bella only just having started on the team, and Cathy is probably off sick as well by now. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I hope to be back once I have had the scan and know everything is OK. I have been assurred that once the scan is out of the way I should start to chill out myself, but also my body should begin to feel 'normal' again. I do hope so!!

It's Still Raining!!

Yes, its still raining! And yet The Bulls brother in Cheltenham is without running water. This is due to the floods down there and a local pumping station being submerged - thus infecting the water with sewage!! I can't help thinking of the mothers who may be due to give birth - what must they all be going through? Makes my nausea and tiredness feel so insignificant!!

Too Tired to Turn Over

Been lying on the settee with the remote control in one hand and a packet of ginger biscuits in the other.... First it was Dispatches: Undercover Mother and then it was I Hate Being a Mother discussed on The Wright Stuff. As if I wasn't worried enough!!!

The Wedding of Jo and Harvey

Last night we drove over to Gainsborough to go to Jo and Harvey’s wedding reception. Harvey is a school friend of The Bull. We had not seen them for ages and although we did not stay very long it was really nice to see them. The Bull told them both that he had got me ‘into trouble’. I think he felt better for actually having a conversation about it with someone other than me.

Jo and Harvey have twin boys. Jo dropped the bombshell last night that the older you are the more chance you have of conceiving twins!! And I thought it was just the cheese that was making me fat!!

Thank you Christopher Brookmyre

Quote from All Fun and Games:
Everyone talked about the joys and the hardships, but for most of the three years.......motherhood mainly consisted of gaping aeons of numbing tedium punctuated by sudden, heart-stopping moments of panic.

But later on in the book I began to feel a bit better when the head of MI5 is quoted as saying being a mother prepares you for being a spy: Being a mother instils a ruthlessness of mind, a linearity of purpose reports Bett. Don't you think all those years of playing a one-woman good-cop, bad-cop to get the little buggers to cooperate would make you adept at maintaining a deceit in order to procure what you need?