In August's edition of the Cygnus Review (see: www.cygnus-books.co.uk/) there were a number of articles that reminded us as adults of the time we were children - and the importance of being child-like.
Louisa Mills in The Wise Child Within (www.cygnus-books.co.uk/magazine/2012/07/the-wise-child-within/) opens with the lyrics from Madonna's Dear Jessie:
If the land of make believe
Is inside your heart it will never leave
There's a golden gate where the fairies all wait
And dancing moons, for you
Close your eyes and you'll be there
Where the mermaids sing as they comb their hair
Like a fountain of gold you can never grow old
Where dreams are made, your love parade
I have just read the whole song and it really touched me. Its sad to think how life takes over and we loose all sense of being a child. I hope for Jamie's sake we can hold onto the wonder for him as long as possible.
Louisa goes onto say; Sometimes we do take life so seriously, don't we, and we really can be a bit hard on ourselves. The pressure we put ourselves under when it comes to work, family, finances, social composure...even spirituality. We can come down on ourselves rather harshly, if we feel we've got it 'wrong', becoming ashamed or self cynical when we stumble from time to time.
What is her answer? Be kind to yourself! Let go of the burden or worry so that your heart, mind and spirit are free to smile, giggle and dream as they always did and should always be allowed to do.
Later on in the same edition, Vernon Kitabu Turner discusses Child Mind - Zen Mind www.cygnus-books.co.uk/magazine/2012/07/child-mind-zen-mind/ He talks of children being natural masters of Zen as the young child is able to play with such concentration and learn with ease because his mind has no concept of past and future. He is present. Being present, he is full of energy. The child mind does not cling to things or events but drops them at will and moves on with equal intensity to whatever else he chooses to do.
When you cling to a fixed concept of yourself – doctor, janitor, lawyer or waitress, weak or strong – you develop a rigid program that your mind is compelled to support. It is not the duties that present a problem but our tendency to associate ourselves with a limited concept as self. But this image is no more the real you than a photograph is. The quicker you rid yourself of this crippling barrier, the more alive you will become to the moment and the endless variations of this remarkable creature called you.
Friday, 24 August 2012
Wednesday, 22 August 2012
Wardrobe Warfare!!
After our lovely weekend away the other week a mountain of clothes seemed to accumulate in our bedroom that needed putting away. Instead of doing this however, I decided to give my wardrobe a long awaited spring clean.
I seem to have been on a diet for forever and as I am now (nearly) the lightest I have been in about 5 years, I thought it might be a good time to see if any of the clothes in the boxes at the bottom of the wardrobe actually fitted me again.
I went through every item in the wardrobe and was ruthless. I am pleased to say that at the end of the session I had two large bags of clothes to go to the charity shop or for recycling.
Some of the clothes that I had in my wardrobe were over 5 years old and I am afraid to say that some were even older! I have spent years holding onto clothes that a) are never going to fit again and b) are never going to be back in fashion.
Why Oh Why did I hang onto those flared trousers? They never suited me when I bought them!!
What I did learn however, is that - since having Jamie - my body shape has completely changed so a lot of those old clothes actually looked odd. I know a lot of women have said this but I didn't believe it until I saw it in myself. It's not that I am fat. It's just my shape has changed!!
I must admit I that loved the cathartic experience of throwing away so many of my old clothes - especially those that no longer fitted. I thought I might be sad, but I have been left with a lot more space in my wardrobe and I know that the clothes that I do have, do suit me and make me feel good about myself.
Just need to invest in some new underwear now.....
I seem to have been on a diet for forever and as I am now (nearly) the lightest I have been in about 5 years, I thought it might be a good time to see if any of the clothes in the boxes at the bottom of the wardrobe actually fitted me again.
I went through every item in the wardrobe and was ruthless. I am pleased to say that at the end of the session I had two large bags of clothes to go to the charity shop or for recycling.
Some of the clothes that I had in my wardrobe were over 5 years old and I am afraid to say that some were even older! I have spent years holding onto clothes that a) are never going to fit again and b) are never going to be back in fashion.
Why Oh Why did I hang onto those flared trousers? They never suited me when I bought them!!
What I did learn however, is that - since having Jamie - my body shape has completely changed so a lot of those old clothes actually looked odd. I know a lot of women have said this but I didn't believe it until I saw it in myself. It's not that I am fat. It's just my shape has changed!!
I must admit I that loved the cathartic experience of throwing away so many of my old clothes - especially those that no longer fitted. I thought I might be sad, but I have been left with a lot more space in my wardrobe and I know that the clothes that I do have, do suit me and make me feel good about myself.
Just need to invest in some new underwear now.....
Monday, 20 August 2012
Family Matters....
Once again feeling a bit flat due to 'family matters'.
Had an invite to my dad's sister and sister-in-laws joint party at Damons Restaurant on Saturday.
Was really looking forward to seeing all dad's side of the family again. We rarely get together and I often wonder what everyone is up to and how they are. I also wonder what we would all be doing if dad was still alive.
I'm afraid the whole afternoon throughly depressed me!
What with looking after Jamie - who kept wanting to go to the toilet and would not eat his food (daddy didn't come as was playing a gig) - I didn't really get to chat to anyone about anything.
And no one mentioned my dad.
Had an invite to my dad's sister and sister-in-laws joint party at Damons Restaurant on Saturday.
Was really looking forward to seeing all dad's side of the family again. We rarely get together and I often wonder what everyone is up to and how they are. I also wonder what we would all be doing if dad was still alive.
I'm afraid the whole afternoon throughly depressed me!
What with looking after Jamie - who kept wanting to go to the toilet and would not eat his food (daddy didn't come as was playing a gig) - I didn't really get to chat to anyone about anything.
And no one mentioned my dad.
Saturday, 18 August 2012
"Just saw Butlins on the TV"
Jamie has certainly begun to take notice of more than the programs on the television. Although we try to focus his viewing around CBeebies, he does love a few of the NickJr programmes - specifically Peppa Pig, Ben and Holly, Umizoomi and Dora The Explorer. I have started taping Umizoomi to try to avoid the adverts but he can still be found watching them.
This week he has started saying "Those are for Girls" when the toy adverts come on and when toys for boys are advertised he "wants one".
He has also asked " Can we go there?" during adverts for DisneyLand and ThomasLand and Blackpool Pleasure Beach. Jamie knows that we are off to Butlins in October with cousin Lucy, and now every time the advert comes on - complete with giant chair and seagull - Jamie tells us!!
I can see he is excited already!!
This week he has started saying "Those are for Girls" when the toy adverts come on and when toys for boys are advertised he "wants one".
He has also asked " Can we go there?" during adverts for DisneyLand and ThomasLand and Blackpool Pleasure Beach. Jamie knows that we are off to Butlins in October with cousin Lucy, and now every time the advert comes on - complete with giant chair and seagull - Jamie tells us!!
I can see he is excited already!!
Thursday, 16 August 2012
Bringing up Boys
Was interested in this recent article from bounty at: www.bounty.com/family-time/parenting/bringing-up-boys
As any parent of sons will tell you raising boys is a lot of fun, even if sometimes it’s noisy, messy and chaotic. Mums of boys have been known to say that it’s like having dogs – give them lots of daily exercise and they’ll be happy. Certainly boys have a lovely, simple attitude to life and pleasure.
Boys like physical activity
As Steve Biddulph, author of Raising Boys (ordered from the library) writes: ‘The average boy has 30% more muscle bulk than the average girl. Boys are stronger and their bodies are more inclined to action.’ So it’s not surprising boys like a bit of rough and tumble. It should be encouraged. But teach them how to control it so they don’t hurt others and how to express when it’s too much for them (such as by yelling a specific phrase –“stop it, I don’t like it”). Testosterone surges mean they are programmed to be competitive so help them find activities that allow for this in safe ways.
Boys’ brains develop differently to girls’
Their language and fine motor skills (such as being able to hold a pen properly) develop later than girls’. This means boys can often appear ‘behind’ girls in the early years of school because their reading and writing can take longer to develop.
How boys play
They like action games, messy games and in general anything that moves – hence the enduring popularity of cars, train sets and bike riding. In terms of friendships they are usually based on common interests and boys are less likely to exclude people over silly things such as what clothes they wear.
Boys’ social skills
Boys may be prone to more aggressive behaviour and be less willing to engage in idle chit chat but they are not without empathy. Parents can teach them how to understand and read other people’s emotions and compared with girls they can be more accepting.
A father figure
Being a boy has changed over the generations. Traditional male jobs are being done by women and men are not expected to be the main breadwinner. But boys do look to older men as their role models. Ideally boys need a dad or at least an interested, caring man in their lives. Each child needs a same-sex adult as one of their main carers who puts in a lot of personal time and effort to support them in their learning and development. But we don't live in an ideal world and many boys grow up in single parent households to be successful adults.
For mothers, especially those without brothers, having a boy can be a challenging but inspiring experience. There is an ‘otherness’ to boys for many mums. It’s important to learn to like being around them and show this, as boys love approval and praise, especially from their parents. They also need lots of cuddles!
How to build boys' self-esteem:
• Use positive language and explain and praise good behaviour.
• Set clear boundaries and limits. These will have to change as they get older but will help make them feel safe and secure.
• Allow them to climb and explore physically within safe limits.
• Give them room to do what they can and learn from mistakes. So even if they set the table haphazardly let them try, if they spill something show them how to mop it up.
• Don’t dictate all the time – let them make their own choices and decisions even if it’s just over small things like what they want for their breakfast.
• Respect their feelings. Comfort them if they’re hurt and let them cry. Listen to their grievances.
As any parent of sons will tell you raising boys is a lot of fun, even if sometimes it’s noisy, messy and chaotic. Mums of boys have been known to say that it’s like having dogs – give them lots of daily exercise and they’ll be happy. Certainly boys have a lovely, simple attitude to life and pleasure.
Boys like physical activity
As Steve Biddulph, author of Raising Boys (ordered from the library) writes: ‘The average boy has 30% more muscle bulk than the average girl. Boys are stronger and their bodies are more inclined to action.’ So it’s not surprising boys like a bit of rough and tumble. It should be encouraged. But teach them how to control it so they don’t hurt others and how to express when it’s too much for them (such as by yelling a specific phrase –“stop it, I don’t like it”). Testosterone surges mean they are programmed to be competitive so help them find activities that allow for this in safe ways.
Boys’ brains develop differently to girls’
Their language and fine motor skills (such as being able to hold a pen properly) develop later than girls’. This means boys can often appear ‘behind’ girls in the early years of school because their reading and writing can take longer to develop.
How boys play
They like action games, messy games and in general anything that moves – hence the enduring popularity of cars, train sets and bike riding. In terms of friendships they are usually based on common interests and boys are less likely to exclude people over silly things such as what clothes they wear.
Boys’ social skills
Boys may be prone to more aggressive behaviour and be less willing to engage in idle chit chat but they are not without empathy. Parents can teach them how to understand and read other people’s emotions and compared with girls they can be more accepting.
A father figure
Being a boy has changed over the generations. Traditional male jobs are being done by women and men are not expected to be the main breadwinner. But boys do look to older men as their role models. Ideally boys need a dad or at least an interested, caring man in their lives. Each child needs a same-sex adult as one of their main carers who puts in a lot of personal time and effort to support them in their learning and development. But we don't live in an ideal world and many boys grow up in single parent households to be successful adults.
For mothers, especially those without brothers, having a boy can be a challenging but inspiring experience. There is an ‘otherness’ to boys for many mums. It’s important to learn to like being around them and show this, as boys love approval and praise, especially from their parents. They also need lots of cuddles!
How to build boys' self-esteem:
• Use positive language and explain and praise good behaviour.
• Set clear boundaries and limits. These will have to change as they get older but will help make them feel safe and secure.
• Allow them to climb and explore physically within safe limits.
• Give them room to do what they can and learn from mistakes. So even if they set the table haphazardly let them try, if they spill something show them how to mop it up.
• Don’t dictate all the time – let them make their own choices and decisions even if it’s just over small things like what they want for their breakfast.
• Respect their feelings. Comfort them if they’re hurt and let them cry. Listen to their grievances.
Tuesday, 14 August 2012
10 Ways To Prevent Aggression in Toddlers
Following yesterdays 'incident' I had a look on the internet for any advice and came across this article
by Teresa McEntire at http://parenting.families.com/blog/10-ways-to-prevent-aggression-in-toddlers
As every parent knows, she says, there are times when your toddler will become aggressive. For toddler's, this aggressive behavior is normal. They are learning to become independent and have an undeveloped impulse control.
Toddlers usually do not understand that their behavior has hurt someone. They may feel ashamed because they know they disappointed you not because of their actions. Toddlers often do not know their own strength. He may not have meant to push the other child down, just tell him to back off. But just because the behavior is normal parents still need to curb aggressive behavior, set limits, and discipline after occurrences.
1. Stay calm. When you see your child exhibiting aggressive behavior, stay calm yourself. Remove your child from the situation. Comfort the child who has been hurt first. Then talk to the child who was the aggressor. Talk to them about what they have done and explain that their behavior was inappropriate. Most toddlers do not feel empathy so don't ask things like, "How would you feel if Tommy hit you?" or "How do you think Tommy feels?"
2. Learn what triggers the aggressive behavior. Many children become more aggressive when they are tired, hungry, or experienced a disruption in their routine. Maybe they don't get along with a certain child. If you know what triggers your child intervene before the aggression happens.
3. Be a good example. Children always watch and often imitate the behavior they see in their parents. Make sure that you are reacting appropriately when you are upset. When your child misbehaves don't react aggressively to him.
4. Set clear limits. Let your children know what behavior is inappropriate. Talk about how you want your child to act. Before attending play dates or other activities talk about appropriate behavior.
5. Discipline consistently. If you don't allow hitting you must discipline your child every time they hit. This doesn't always mean time out or other form of discipline. But you need to acknowledge that hitting is wrong and talk to your child about it.
6. Use logical consequences. If your child throws a ball at a child a normal consequence is too take the ball away for a time. Explain that if the ball isn't used right then he won't be allowed to play.
7. Reward good behavior. If your child doesn't react aggressively praise them for controlling themselves. Praise positive behaviors like sharing and using words instead of actions to express anger.
8. Limit media violence. Children are affected by the violence that they see on television, movies, and video games. Limit the amount of media violence that your child views. They do not understand the difference between the media and real life.
9. Teach alternatives. Provide your child with strategies that they can use instead of aggressive behavior. I often told my children when toddlers, "Use your words." This reminded them that they could say what the problem was instead of hitting. They learned that talking was more effective than hitting.
10. Provide an outlet. Many children have an abundance of energy. If your child is one that does make sure that he has the space and time to release that energy. Pent up energy often releases itself in the form of aggression whether intentional or unintentional.
by Teresa McEntire at http://parenting.families.com/blog/10-ways-to-prevent-aggression-in-toddlers
As every parent knows, she says, there are times when your toddler will become aggressive. For toddler's, this aggressive behavior is normal. They are learning to become independent and have an undeveloped impulse control.
Toddlers usually do not understand that their behavior has hurt someone. They may feel ashamed because they know they disappointed you not because of their actions. Toddlers often do not know their own strength. He may not have meant to push the other child down, just tell him to back off. But just because the behavior is normal parents still need to curb aggressive behavior, set limits, and discipline after occurrences.
1. Stay calm. When you see your child exhibiting aggressive behavior, stay calm yourself. Remove your child from the situation. Comfort the child who has been hurt first. Then talk to the child who was the aggressor. Talk to them about what they have done and explain that their behavior was inappropriate. Most toddlers do not feel empathy so don't ask things like, "How would you feel if Tommy hit you?" or "How do you think Tommy feels?"
2. Learn what triggers the aggressive behavior. Many children become more aggressive when they are tired, hungry, or experienced a disruption in their routine. Maybe they don't get along with a certain child. If you know what triggers your child intervene before the aggression happens.
3. Be a good example. Children always watch and often imitate the behavior they see in their parents. Make sure that you are reacting appropriately when you are upset. When your child misbehaves don't react aggressively to him.
4. Set clear limits. Let your children know what behavior is inappropriate. Talk about how you want your child to act. Before attending play dates or other activities talk about appropriate behavior.
5. Discipline consistently. If you don't allow hitting you must discipline your child every time they hit. This doesn't always mean time out or other form of discipline. But you need to acknowledge that hitting is wrong and talk to your child about it.
6. Use logical consequences. If your child throws a ball at a child a normal consequence is too take the ball away for a time. Explain that if the ball isn't used right then he won't be allowed to play.
7. Reward good behavior. If your child doesn't react aggressively praise them for controlling themselves. Praise positive behaviors like sharing and using words instead of actions to express anger.
8. Limit media violence. Children are affected by the violence that they see on television, movies, and video games. Limit the amount of media violence that your child views. They do not understand the difference between the media and real life.
9. Teach alternatives. Provide your child with strategies that they can use instead of aggressive behavior. I often told my children when toddlers, "Use your words." This reminded them that they could say what the problem was instead of hitting. They learned that talking was more effective than hitting.
10. Provide an outlet. Many children have an abundance of energy. If your child is one that does make sure that he has the space and time to release that energy. Pent up energy often releases itself in the form of aggression whether intentional or unintentional.
Monday, 13 August 2012
Daddy and Jamie are NOT Friends
Bit of a fall out in our household today when Jamie slapped daddy.
They were playing together in Jamie's room when I went in to ask daddy a question about decorating (or something else equally mundane). Jamie kept interrupting me and daddy, and we could not hear ourselves speak. As I continued to try to talk to daddy, Jamie slapped daddy across the face.
Straight away, we put Jamie in the (up until now non-existent) naughty corner; which is situated by the front door. We made him stay there for (what seemed like) ages. We sat in his room and could see his shadow so knew when he was moving from his spot. I hated doing it. Tears were streaming down his face, snot was streaming out of his nose and it was awful. But we left him there and eventually I went over to him and tried to explain why he had been put in the naughty corner. I then tried to get him to say 'Sorry' to daddy. This he didn't seem to want to do, but I think he was a bit scared at daddy's initial reaction to the slap.
Understandably, daddy was very upset and went off outside to trim the bush at the front of the house. Jamie just sat on our bed. I think he knew not to ask for TV. He sat there for a while, and I just sat on the floor next to him sorting out some paperwork. In the end I sat on the bed with him and we had a cuddle and a chat. I think he did understand why daddy had got so mad with him and hopefully he won't be slapping anyone again! A few hours later we were all giggles and laughter - and best friends - when we took Jamie to meet his 'girls' at a local pub with a fantastic play area (www.woodcockspub.co.uk/) for lunch followed by ice cream.
Hopefully this shows we are not too afraid to discipline Jamie (see previous post). I love Jamie to bits but also realise he must be shown / learn the error of his ways whenever he is naughty.
They were playing together in Jamie's room when I went in to ask daddy a question about decorating (or something else equally mundane). Jamie kept interrupting me and daddy, and we could not hear ourselves speak. As I continued to try to talk to daddy, Jamie slapped daddy across the face.
Straight away, we put Jamie in the (up until now non-existent) naughty corner; which is situated by the front door. We made him stay there for (what seemed like) ages. We sat in his room and could see his shadow so knew when he was moving from his spot. I hated doing it. Tears were streaming down his face, snot was streaming out of his nose and it was awful. But we left him there and eventually I went over to him and tried to explain why he had been put in the naughty corner. I then tried to get him to say 'Sorry' to daddy. This he didn't seem to want to do, but I think he was a bit scared at daddy's initial reaction to the slap.
Understandably, daddy was very upset and went off outside to trim the bush at the front of the house. Jamie just sat on our bed. I think he knew not to ask for TV. He sat there for a while, and I just sat on the floor next to him sorting out some paperwork. In the end I sat on the bed with him and we had a cuddle and a chat. I think he did understand why daddy had got so mad with him and hopefully he won't be slapping anyone again! A few hours later we were all giggles and laughter - and best friends - when we took Jamie to meet his 'girls' at a local pub with a fantastic play area (www.woodcockspub.co.uk/) for lunch followed by ice cream.
Hopefully this shows we are not too afraid to discipline Jamie (see previous post). I love Jamie to bits but also realise he must be shown / learn the error of his ways whenever he is naughty.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)