Child As A Friend? Discuss....

An article appeared in the Daily Mail on Saturday July 21st
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2176791/Why-parent-tempted-treat-child-friend.html which discussed why, as an adult, you should never be tempted to treat your child as a friend...

A generation of children, it says, are growing up badly behaved because their parents are too afraid to discipline them.  The rise of the so-called ‘friend-parent’ – who tries to be their child’s equal rather than their boss – means youngsters are approaching adolescence ill-equipped for the real world, according to Professor Tanya Byron.

Professor Byron, who featured on the BBC series House of Tiny Tearaways, said she is treating children at her clinic with behavioural problems as a direct result of such parenting tactics. She said: ‘Children as young as six are brought to my clinics by parents who are anxious that any time they try to set a boundary, the child becomes distressed.  She said parents are so preoccupied with getting their children on their side that they are waiting on them hand and foot – denying them important life skills.  She said: ‘What’s happened to chores, a family being a team, with everyone having their key jobs?  I treat children of eight and nine who, while attending intellectually challenging schools, cannot take themselves to the toilet or clean themselves afterwards, or who don’t dress or feed themselves independently – never mind know how to tie a shoelace.’  She warned that without boundaries and chores, a child’s development could be impaired.

Psychologist Dr Aric Sigman said the ‘friend-parent’ phenomenon could be explained by the fact that women are choosing to start families when they are older. ‘Parents today, in particular mothers, are much older than ever before. They are also likely to be working as well.   ‘The result is children are seeing their parents for less hours a day, so if the children start displaying challenging behaviour because they haven’t had the attention they need, they feel guilty and let it go, rather than disciplining them for it and risk them getting upset.’

Dr Mary Bousted, general secretary of the Association of Teachers and Lecturers union, said schools were left to pick up the pieces.  ‘Schools are having to deal with children who haven’t been toilet trained, children who expect to always get their own way and have never been told “no”.  ‘Parents aren’t doing their children any favours if they wait on them hand and foot, try to buy good behaviour or make up for lack of attention with toys and gadgets.  They need to have the confidence to set rules, make their children help around the house, and encourage them to become independent to enable them to become confident and capable adults.’

Spotting Your Emotional Needs

Don't really know why, but this week I have felt a bit overwhelmed.  Probably due to the holiday washing that still needs to be sorted, and the washing machine that does not seem to wash, added to the usual worry about money, and Jamie having another one of his coughs this week!!  

Anyway, this article came along at the right time.  See: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/07/27/find-stress-relief-by-spotting-your-emotional-needs/

Julie Hanks, a therapist and blogger at Psych Central, works with many clients who are besieged by stress. What her clients typically discover is that they aren’t necessarily overwhelmed by stress, they’re overwhelmed by their emotions.

“As [my clients] learn to unpack the anxiety, they discover that their worry, stress, and sense of impending doom is the not just anxiety, but the culmination of years of unprocessed emotions of all kinds,” said Hanks.  “Anxiety is often the label that clients have given to the experience of being emotionally overwhelmed.”

So the key is to get to your core emotions and she offered these four tools to spot your core emotions:

•  Spend several minutes each day tuning into your body. We “feel” emotions in our bodies, so paying attention to our physical cues can help us identify our emotions. For instance, whenever she’s anxious, Hanks gets a tight feeling in her chest and shoulders, and her breathing gets shallow.

•  Ask yourself, “What’s really bothering me?” Dig deeper to see what’s stressing you out. For instance, right now, for Hanks that’s a book revision deadline, a family situation and an impending move for her clinic.

•  Ask yourself, “What do I need to feel emotionally calm and comforted?” To feel like she’s capable of completing her book revisions, Hanks will ask her husband for reassurance. To figure out her family situation, she’ll turn to a friend who’s going through something similar for support. In order to make her move less stressful, she’ll work on organizing her to-do list, delegate tasks and engage in positive self-talk.

•  Ask for your emotional need to be met. This might mean articulating your need to a loved one. Hanks might say to her husband, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and stressed about this book deadline. I need to hear that you believe in me and I could really use a shoulder rub.”

I feel better already.....

Blog Baby 29

A few weeks late but here goes....

Holly Jade Roberts born 29th June weighing 9lbs 12oz - over a week overdue.

We were with them on the Saturday before and Suzanne was truly fed up with waiting!!

Congratulations to Suzanne and Simon.

Blog Baby 28

Congratulations, Mary and Pete are grandparents again! 

Luke & Rachel have a new son, Hugo Lawrence, 5lb 11oz, born Monday morning. Mother and baby fine.  Grandfather re-assessing his finances!  

Sleepover...

A few weeks ago Nana suggested to Jamie and to us that he might like to spend the night with her.  I know many parents would have jumped at the chance to have a free night, but I am afraid I / we didn't.  I suppose it was the initial 'first time' nerves.  Would he like it?  Be happy?  Want to come home?   And then I worried about whether he would be safe?  What if he hurt himself?   But I think my main worry was that he might fall down Nana's stairs!!

As it turned out, he came home safe and well this morning - about 9.30am - after having a long night with Nana.  I took him round for his tea at about 5pm.  He had had a sleep before so was a bit mardy to start with and was crying when we got to Nana's.  I tried to explain about the sleepover, but he didn't seem very happy about the idea at all.  However, after spending about 20 minutes there, and once 'Granpa in my pocket' started he calmed down and didn't really notice that I had left.

I told daddy to wait an hour or so before the first glass of wine, in case Nana wanted us to go and pick him up, but the phone call never came.  It was weird not having Jamie in the house.  I started to do something on the computer in the morning and could not help but imagine that every noise was Jamie getting out of bed.

We did miss him though, and at 11.30pm I said 'Shall I go and pick him up?' but it was nice having the bed all to ourselves for once....

What's the Secret of a Long Life?

While in Norfolk at the weekend, Paul took us on a lovely long walk in the sunshine to  www.wivetonhall.co.uk/ where we all had cream teas and Kerry and Ella did some strawberry picking.

On the way back, we met an old couple coming towards us.  As we like to be sociable, we all said 'Morning' and stopped for a chat.

Now they both looked pretty old.  I would have said late 80's, early 90's, but it turned out he was 100 (16weeks +) and she was 97!!

So, what was their secret?
Well, they were both lifetime members of The National Trust and she said she had certainly got her money worth over the years.  She was very keen for us all to become members and said a number of times how great membership is for a family.  Lifetime membership for a couple is currently £1,585.

She was a lovely lady and very chatty, so I would say that being happy must be a pre-requisite for ageing well.

They obviously did / do a lot of walking in the fresh air and if they live near Blakeney then a lot of the walking will be taling in the sea air as well.

You could tell from looking at both of them, that they looked after themselves.  They were both well dressed and had obviously made an effort before they left the house.

What was also obvious from looking at them however, was that they had Money!

Cooking with Jamie

Jamie has always loved his cooking.  When he is at Nana's they often make pastry biscuits to bring home.  Recently Nana picked up a free recipe book from Anchor butter and while we were out shopping I thought I would buy some ingredients and try and make something with Jamie.

One of the easiest recipes seemed to be for Shortbread so I bought all the ingredients.  However, chatting to Nana as we wandered around Sainsbury's I realised we probably didn't have any of the equipment needed.  It has to be said that I am a stranger in my own kitchen, and to anything remotely connected to cooking.  I have a fridge magnet that says; I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.  Perhaps I should add and it contains the fridge where my wine lives....

So we left Sainsbury's with a full trolley and an empty purse but with lots of new colourful plastic items.  One of these said plastic items was a selection of star cookie cutters.  Unfortunately it did not say on the label Do Not Put In Oven and so I am afraid I put all the lovely mixture into them before putting them into the oven.  Luckily Daddy came home before they had fully melted!!

The kitchen looked like a (flour) bomb had gone off, my wrist (from whisking) and back from sitting at the little table were killing, but Jamie loved it.  He was exhausted and went for a long snooze.  Not sure that all the input was worth the effort really.  Mummy spent ages clearing up and washing up all the new lovely utensils - at least the ones that hadn't melted!!

But, after all that, the biscuits were delicious and probably have done nothing to help with my diet.  Even daddy sent a text today to congratulate me.  Perhaps I might try another one of the 'Easy' recipes!?