Just finished reading Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert this morning, which read a bit like HitchHikers Guide to the Galaxy but was oh-so-much-more deep, as it discussed scientific studies regarding the emotions 'Happiness'. Early on in the book, he states: Anxiety and planning are intimately connected to thinking about the future. We feel anxiety when we anticipate that something bad will happen, and we plan by imagining how our actions will unfold over time. Planning requires that we peer into our futures, and anxiety is one of the reactions we may have when we do.
He also arues against comparing the present or the future with your past, and emphasises comparing with the possible instead.
What did the book conclude? When we imagine future circumstances, we fill in details that won't really come to pass and leave out details that will. When we imagine future feelings, we find it impossible to ignore what we are feeling now and impossible to recognize how we will think about the things that happen later.
So is it back to simply; Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway!!
Monday, 29 October 2007
What shall we do with the extra hour?
I know, lets go to mass! My brother and his soon-to-be wife (just over 7 weeks now) have been attending Mass on a regular basis pre-wedding, so The Bull and I decided to join them yesterday. It was the first time I had been to the church (or a catholic service) since my fathers funeral 14 years ago. It was not at all how I remembered it. I had always imagined it to be a lot darker and bigger and more imposing. Yesterday it was light and airy and had a nicer feel to the one I remember. The Bull even took his coat off because he got too warm! I certainly feel better about attending the wedding service now. It won't be quite so scarey or intimidating. Who knows? I might go again before the wedding....
Saturday, 27 October 2007
Bats!!
It's nearly Halloween and as part of my mum-to-be (maybe oneday) training, I took my surrogate child - she even looked like me with blonde hair and blue eyes - to Whisby Nature Reserve to learn about Bats, make a scarey hat and build a Bat Box!
It struck me during the day; surrounded by the mothers and their children, what a real job it is to be a mother - all that banging with a hammer and not being able to just give up when you want (or when you bang your hand!) as you have a small person watching - and perhaps even learning from you!
It struck me during the day; surrounded by the mothers and their children, what a real job it is to be a mother - all that banging with a hammer and not being able to just give up when you want (or when you bang your hand!) as you have a small person watching - and perhaps even learning from you!
Memories...
light the corners of my mind...
Nothing to envy now. Carol died on Wednesday night. The anniversary of my dads death. Not more I can say really....
I chose this day to write a short note to my Psychologist to say I would not be going again. The sessions I attended I think I did gain something from, but I feel it is down to me now. She suggested during the time I saw her to write a letter to my dad about what I remembered from the day he died. It was amazing what I had forgotten, but was it really a good thing to remember? I do feel I have gained something from starting this blog (similar to the letter exercise) as it has made me think about what I write - and why! It has also led me to think more about other peoples feelings. Certainly after what I went through, it has shown you never really know what other people are themselves going through at any time.
Nothing to envy now. Carol died on Wednesday night. The anniversary of my dads death. Not more I can say really....
I chose this day to write a short note to my Psychologist to say I would not be going again. The sessions I attended I think I did gain something from, but I feel it is down to me now. She suggested during the time I saw her to write a letter to my dad about what I remembered from the day he died. It was amazing what I had forgotten, but was it really a good thing to remember? I do feel I have gained something from starting this blog (similar to the letter exercise) as it has made me think about what I write - and why! It has also led me to think more about other peoples feelings. Certainly after what I went through, it has shown you never really know what other people are themselves going through at any time.
Wednesday, 24 October 2007
Feeling Better Thanks
I think the weekend really did some good, and then I went to Spinning on Monday night (have not weighed myself yet this week) and then yesterday went back to Accupuncture for the first time since 'the trouble'. Nadine talked about blockages and blood (which was nice) but I must say I really felt the benefit of it - although the needles have never previously hurt that much - and when I got back from the clinic, I slept like a baby!! Got up this morning and went for a walk. It was bloody cold, but I suppose it is only going to get colder....
The only bad thing about today is that it is 14 years since my dad died. Don't really know what to add to that statement. It still hurts and the family (mum and brother) have never really talked about it. Too painful to discuss perhaps, but it sometimes feels like we are not really a family; just related. This was emphasised to me last week when we went to see my brothers mother in law (to be). She has cancer and might not make the wedding. All her family have a closeness we have never had. It's probably a bit late for that now.....but I do envy them.
The only bad thing about today is that it is 14 years since my dad died. Don't really know what to add to that statement. It still hurts and the family (mum and brother) have never really talked about it. Too painful to discuss perhaps, but it sometimes feels like we are not really a family; just related. This was emphasised to me last week when we went to see my brothers mother in law (to be). She has cancer and might not make the wedding. All her family have a closeness we have never had. It's probably a bit late for that now.....but I do envy them.
Monday, 22 October 2007
Non-Domestic Goddess Advice
While sorting out my 'Ideas' Folder (see: http://theonlyconsequence.blogspot.com/) I came across a piece of wisdom from the Non-Domestic Goddess (Daily Mail: 2007).
Someone had written in and asked; ‘I’m getting on a bit and worry that if I don’t have a child now, I never will – which I might regret. On the other hand, I just don’t know if I’m up to it. How can I tell?’
OK, here goes (comes the answer). First, smear mud and peanut butter and jam all over your hands and wipe them all over the walls, the curtains and the soft furnishings, as well as over your face, right into the hairline and beyond.
Make sure you are good and sticky all over. Next, get a slice of toast and stuff it into the DVD player while dragging the cat around by its tail, treading banana into the carpet and crayoning all over your new wood flooring.
Get up at least 27 times a night to swing a Moses basket and make soothing noises when though inside you are screaming ‘sleep, sleep, you b****** sleep!’ And take your breasts out in public. A lot. Even in front of your father-in-law.
Put a tea-towel on your partners head, pretend he is a shepherd in a nativity play, and clap rapturously even if he forgets his words and then cries and wets his pants. Practice saying ‘Put a jumper on. It is cold out there’. Don’t practice saying; ‘well, if its ok with Alex’s mum, it’s OK with me’.
This is how to tell if you are ready.
Someone had written in and asked; ‘I’m getting on a bit and worry that if I don’t have a child now, I never will – which I might regret. On the other hand, I just don’t know if I’m up to it. How can I tell?’
OK, here goes (comes the answer). First, smear mud and peanut butter and jam all over your hands and wipe them all over the walls, the curtains and the soft furnishings, as well as over your face, right into the hairline and beyond.
Make sure you are good and sticky all over. Next, get a slice of toast and stuff it into the DVD player while dragging the cat around by its tail, treading banana into the carpet and crayoning all over your new wood flooring.
Get up at least 27 times a night to swing a Moses basket and make soothing noises when though inside you are screaming ‘sleep, sleep, you b****** sleep!’ And take your breasts out in public. A lot. Even in front of your father-in-law.
Put a tea-towel on your partners head, pretend he is a shepherd in a nativity play, and clap rapturously even if he forgets his words and then cries and wets his pants. Practice saying ‘Put a jumper on. It is cold out there’. Don’t practice saying; ‘well, if its ok with Alex’s mum, it’s OK with me’.
This is how to tell if you are ready.
Weekend Report
Friday night was terrible! Went to see a friend from my old work who has just had a baby (Blog Baby 3) along with two other work collegues; and I so wish I hadn't. Firstly; because all we seemed to talk about was work and secondly (and most upsetting) two more girls who I worked with are preganant. Thank God I decided not to go back to work. Probably won't go visiting again in the near future as I found it all quite upsetting (and I ate too much pizza and felt really fat!).
Saturday and Sunday though were fantastic. Went for a nights stay near Matlock (Derbyshire)and although Saturday night and early Sunday morning were rather frosty, the weather held and we had a brilliant time! We set off on Sunday morning nice and early in the mist, to go and visit a place from our scouting youth in Cromford. We had a nice walk (about 2/3 miles) to find it run down and no longer used, but the memories were still there and we laughed all weekend about the usual rubbish; which in P.Diddys case is usually sex - or his lack of it!!
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