The Friday after I had been to the Doctors I went for a meal in town with my gym buddy and her sister. This was one of the reasons I mentioned ‘going out’ and being seen to my Doctor the day before. I can honestly say that all night all we talked about was doom and gloom but I really did have an enjoyable evening. It’s probably what I have said before ‘Bad news breeds bad news’ but I think we all benefited from it. Their dad has recently been in a car accident, their niece suffered a fractured skull two weeks ago when she was hit by a car, and their mother has recently had major heart surgery. Oh yes and there is a history of ‘the trouble’ within the women in their family. It was nice to talk about all these upsets and still have a laugh.
Then Saturday I drove to meet some of my writing buddies which took me about 45minutes. It was certainly nice to talk about something other than 'the trouble' and to hear some of the pieces they have been working on in the few months since I saw them last. I was hoping it would stir up the muse in me but so far it has just got me searching the Internet and writing lists of things to do.
Tuesday was the first time I met up with anyone from work, when I went to see a friend who has just had a baby (Blog Baby 3) with another work colleague. It was quite upsetting with the baby and all and I didn’t want to hold her. It turns out at work they think I am depressed. I am not sure if I like that…..
Monday, 24 September 2007
Doctors Appointment 6 / Hospital Visit 3
Over a week ago now I went to the Doctor and told her how bad I felt about being off work. I also mentioned that as I was feeling better I was starting to go out more and I was worried if people saw me. She reassured me and said that it was good I was beginning to get out and I should not worry about it. She emphasised I had to concentrate on getting myself better before I thought about work again.
Friday just gone and I had an appointment at the Ultrasound Clinic to have another look at the cyst that they found at my 13 week scan. (Hey, you don’t have a baby, but what we can offer you in its place is…..). I had to have a full bladder again and I was in agony by the time they were ready for me – only 20 mins late which I thought was good – and it turns out I have a 6cm cyst on my left ovary. I have been referred to the consultant to discuss my options. Trouble was when I got back home I started to look on the Internet and got myself in a right old state about operations and general anesthetic etc.
Friday just gone and I had an appointment at the Ultrasound Clinic to have another look at the cyst that they found at my 13 week scan. (Hey, you don’t have a baby, but what we can offer you in its place is…..). I had to have a full bladder again and I was in agony by the time they were ready for me – only 20 mins late which I thought was good – and it turns out I have a 6cm cyst on my left ovary. I have been referred to the consultant to discuss my options. Trouble was when I got back home I started to look on the Internet and got myself in a right old state about operations and general anesthetic etc.
Hugs from Heaven
Came across this poem in the Lincolnshire Echo.
The Tragedy: A number of local children drowned when their car plunged into the river.
When you feel a gentle breeze
Caress you when you sigh
It’s a hug sent from Heaven
From a loved one way up high.
If a soft and tender raindrop
Lands upon your nose
They’ve added a small kiss
As fragile as a rose.
If a song you hear fills you
With a feeling of sweet love
It’s a hug sent from Heaven
From someone special up above.
If you awaken in the morning
To a bluebird’s chirping song
It’s music sent from Heaven
To cheer you all day long.
If tiny little snowflakes
Land upon your face
It’s a hug sent from Heaven
Trimmed with Angel lace.
So keep the joy in your heart
If you’re lonely my dear friend
Hugs that are sent from Heaven
A broken heart will mend. by Charlotte Anselmo
The Tragedy: A number of local children drowned when their car plunged into the river.
When you feel a gentle breeze
Caress you when you sigh
It’s a hug sent from Heaven
From a loved one way up high.
If a soft and tender raindrop
Lands upon your nose
They’ve added a small kiss
As fragile as a rose.
If a song you hear fills you
With a feeling of sweet love
It’s a hug sent from Heaven
From someone special up above.
If you awaken in the morning
To a bluebird’s chirping song
It’s music sent from Heaven
To cheer you all day long.
If tiny little snowflakes
Land upon your face
It’s a hug sent from Heaven
Trimmed with Angel lace.
So keep the joy in your heart
If you’re lonely my dear friend
Hugs that are sent from Heaven
A broken heart will mend. by Charlotte Anselmo
GrannyGate
Following on from Channel 5, was the story and especially the article in the Daily Mirror (19th September) about Stephen Ireland – Manchester City midfielder. He told his manager that his Grandma had died and he would have to miss an important game (Ireland Vs Czech Republic). However, said Granny was still alive so he said it was his other Granny. She too is still alive. The real reason behind his wanting to miss the game was that his girlfriend had suffered a miscarriage and he felt that this would not be taken seriously enough for him to be allowed to fly home to be with her.
As the article states; A miscarriage. The loss of a baby. Something that deeply affects anyone who’s ever gone through it but often seems to be regarded as little more than a passing inconvenience by those who haven’t. The article goes onto say it is an indictment of our game that an intelligent man like Ireland didn’t think a miscarriage would be accepted as a decent enough reason to miss a big match. So this footballer…spun a web of lies that turned him into a laughing stock at a time when he was at his most vulnerable……Then he was left out of City’s game against Aston Villa on Sunday and it was interpreted as a punishment. A punishment for a miscarriage.
The article ends who knows what’ll happen the next time a footballers wife has a miscarriage? Who knows whether he’ll have the confidence to say he needs some time out to try to deal with it? What he won’t say is that his gran just died. The greater danger is, he won’t say anything at all.
As the article states; A miscarriage. The loss of a baby. Something that deeply affects anyone who’s ever gone through it but often seems to be regarded as little more than a passing inconvenience by those who haven’t. The article goes onto say it is an indictment of our game that an intelligent man like Ireland didn’t think a miscarriage would be accepted as a decent enough reason to miss a big match. So this footballer…spun a web of lies that turned him into a laughing stock at a time when he was at his most vulnerable……Then he was left out of City’s game against Aston Villa on Sunday and it was interpreted as a punishment. A punishment for a miscarriage.
The article ends who knows what’ll happen the next time a footballers wife has a miscarriage? Who knows whether he’ll have the confidence to say he needs some time out to try to deal with it? What he won’t say is that his gran just died. The greater danger is, he won’t say anything at all.
Thursday, 20 September 2007
Losing a Baby on Channel 5
This morning there was a Wright Stuff special look at what it's like to lose a baby before term. Around a quarter of a million pregnancies end in miscarriage in the UK each year - that's one in four. Yet it's a subject rarely talked about. Why the taboo, I wonder? Well, we'll be finding out this morning and talking to women and their partners about what it's like to lose their unborn child. How do you cope? How does the loss affect your relationship? And can you ever move on? Does it make a difference if you lose your baby early on compared to much later in your pregnancy, I wonder?
The website gave some good links including one organisation I had not heard of http://www.babyloss-awareness.org/ The site states:
People whose lives have been touched by the loss of a baby during pregnancy or just after birth are uniting with others across the UK to show their support for the Baby Loss Awareness campaign 2007, which focuses on International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day on October 15th. As in previous years, we are encouraging a number of Wave of Light and other events across the UK.
The website gave some good links including one organisation I had not heard of http://www.babyloss-awareness.org/ The site states:
People whose lives have been touched by the loss of a baby during pregnancy or just after birth are uniting with others across the UK to show their support for the Baby Loss Awareness campaign 2007, which focuses on International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day on October 15th. As in previous years, we are encouraging a number of Wave of Light and other events across the UK.
Monday, 10 September 2007
Hospital Visit
I feel totally exhausted. This morning I had an appointment with the Psychology Department but before then I had been asked to pop back to Branston Ward to sign a consent form from when I was in hospital. What I did not realise until I got there was that this form was to give permission for the hospital to cremate the remains. Part of the form was as follows: I..............(insert name of mother) which was a bit upsetting to say the least. I was told that a mass cremation takes place every third Wednesday of the month. As always the staff were wonderful.
So, before I even get to the Psychology Dept. I am in tears. But Sharon was nice and just asked me to tell her what had happened. What is weird is that the hour went by so quickly and now I cannot really remember what I said. I know we discussed 'the trouble', me leaving work - which she felt was a good move - and we also discussed the forthcoming wedding and how I would feel without my Dad there, but other than that it is a mystery. I came away exhausted but felt a lot better - as if things were beginning to get better somehow. Perhaps out of bad can come good. Perhaps the experience will make me a better person. We shall see!!!
So, before I even get to the Psychology Dept. I am in tears. But Sharon was nice and just asked me to tell her what had happened. What is weird is that the hour went by so quickly and now I cannot really remember what I said. I know we discussed 'the trouble', me leaving work - which she felt was a good move - and we also discussed the forthcoming wedding and how I would feel without my Dad there, but other than that it is a mystery. I came away exhausted but felt a lot better - as if things were beginning to get better somehow. Perhaps out of bad can come good. Perhaps the experience will make me a better person. We shall see!!!
Sunday, 9 September 2007
What Next - Part One
After the scan (but before the actual miscarriage and time in hospital) I was given a leaflet from
http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/ entitled; 'We Are Sorry That You Had A Miscarriage'. This leaflet was hard to read on the day but looking at it today - 3 weeks after the actual miscarriage - it is easier to take in and I am thankful for the information it gives. My only real thought now is 'What Next?'
I feel I am nearly back to my old self, and although we did not make it to Somerset this weekend; which is where we were going before (as The Bull calls it) 'The Trouble', I do feel I am finally getting back on top of the house and emails, text messages etc. But as to what the next few months hold, I really don't know. I am hoping after seeing both a Psychologist and my Dr this week that I will be able to make some sense of what I have been through and start looking towards the future.
http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/ entitled; 'We Are Sorry That You Had A Miscarriage'. This leaflet was hard to read on the day but looking at it today - 3 weeks after the actual miscarriage - it is easier to take in and I am thankful for the information it gives. My only real thought now is 'What Next?'
I feel I am nearly back to my old self, and although we did not make it to Somerset this weekend; which is where we were going before (as The Bull calls it) 'The Trouble', I do feel I am finally getting back on top of the house and emails, text messages etc. But as to what the next few months hold, I really don't know. I am hoping after seeing both a Psychologist and my Dr this week that I will be able to make some sense of what I have been through and start looking towards the future.
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