Blog Baby 3

Megan Elizabeth born 8.55pm on 6th September after 17 hours of labour. Weighing 8lb. Congratulations to Sarah and Simon.

Bad News Only Breeds More Bad News

Obviously, after telling a few people I was expecting, I then had to tell them I wasn't anymore...

Some of the responses I received:-
I am so sorry for you to go through this! It must be really distressing. To be honest I'm not having a great time myself. I've just been through investigative operation to find out my fallopian tubes are blocked. ... feel very dispondent at the moment. (L)

Am so sorry about the baby I know what you are going through as the same thing happened to me. I went for a scan at 12 weeks & my baby had died at 6 weeks so if you need to talk you know where I am. It happened to my sister to & now she has 2 children if that's any comfort. (S)

Hi guys - so sorry to hear that news. If it's any consellation I know what you are going through - not that it makes it any better! It's a terrible thing to happen - hope you're feeling a bit better about things soon. The same thing more or less happened to us at the scan....and it's just pants. Keep trying though - there is hope - just look at us?? (C)

Sorry to hear about the news. We lost a baby last August at 11 weeks old.. If you want 2 chat u know where i am. Take care thinking of u. (L)

But then, re-reading the messages, perhaps its not all bad news after all.....

Pregnant – and terrified

And then, in the same Times Supplement there is a letter from a 22 year old who says she is terrified of being pregnant. ..the shift in thinking and coping that is required is huge, and anxiety and depression become coping mechanisms at a time when there is psychological and emotional overload.

Tokophobia is the fear of pregnancy and childbirth. It is a recognized psychological state that is underpinned by anxious beliefs that distort and skew the mother-to-be’s experience in a very frightening and negative direction.

I suggest (Dr Tanya Byron says) that you be open with those you love about how you are feeling and help them to understand all the factors involved. Then, with their help, find other avenues of support so you can slowly challenge your negative self beliefs, learn ways of managing your anxiety feelings, and so begin to feel in control.
www.timesonline.co.uk/alphamummy

Coincidence?

So there I am – in hospital – having my miscarriage – and The Bull goes to get some snacks and a paper. The supplement in the Times (times2 Monday August 20 2007) is entitled; No thanks! Why life without children is a good choice. Corinne Maier (French) has written a book called No Kid:40 reasons not to have children.

Children are there to stop you enjoying yourself she says. I certainly agree with one point she makes: People who do not have children should not be called Childless they should be called Child Free.

So, some of the reasons not to have children;
Childbirth is torture,
You will become a mobile feeding bottle,
You will struggle to continue having fun yourself,
You will lose touch with your friends,
You will have to learn a language of idiots to communicate with your children,
Your children will kill your desire,
Children sound the death knell of the couple,
Having children is conformist,
Children are expensive,
When a child appears, the father disappears,
There are already too many children on the planet.
DISCUSS….

Sex Matters

Last time, I continued drinking - to a lesser extent - while we were trying. Well, I had been on the Internet and found an article entitled; ‘Choosing Your Baby’s Sex: The Folklore’ at www.babycentre.co.uk/pregnancy/naming/choosingsexfolklore/ and this said that you were more likely to conceive a boy if you drank red wine. Well, that’s how I read it anyway!! It also said to conceive a boy you need to eat salty food, plenty of meat, fish, white flour, pasta, fresh fruit, vegs but avoid milk and dairy products such as yoghurt and cheese, nuts, chocolate, shellfish and whole meal bread. Why? It doesn’t say!! It did say however, that having sex on the day of ovulation (avoiding sex the week before to keep the sperm count high) would be more likely to produce a boy as male sperm are thought to swim faster and reach the egg first. It also said ‘deep penetration’ sex such as doggy style would be more likely to produce a boy….

Fertility Matters

www.CAREfertility.com
The first IVF baby was born in 1978 and the science surrounding fertility healthcare has advanced incredibly quickly since. So says ays the literature from CARE. It goes onto say;
The process of reproduction is a highly complex one and any disruption can lead to infertility. However, whilst around one in 6 couples experience difficulty in achieving pregnancy, with help almost 90% of them can realize their dream of starting a family. Treatments are discussed such as ovulation induction, Intra-Uterine Insemination (IUI), In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) and Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI). There were other procedures listed but these seemed even more like science fiction!! We also received information on the risks associated with Multiple Pregnancies and Births which I had not thought of before. Reading the literature given prior to and at our consultation, looking back it is no wonder I had a panic attack in the office. Not just thinking about the possible surgical implications but also the monetary ones!! (Our standard consultation was £140 plus £75 for a semen assessment. IVF was stated as being £2300). Added to that is that fact that; although CARE has a higher than average success rate, we were still looking at only a 21.1% for CARE or 18.3% National Average success rate (Live Births) for someone of my age (IVF&ICSI). www.hfea.gov.uk

Following Dales Semen assessment, our consultation was with Mr Ken Dowell (FRCOG Consultant Gynaecologist) who has many years experience in infertility diagnosis and treatment. He is particularly experienced in the diagnosis and management of male factor infertility, including surgical sperm recovery it says here…

Following the traumatic consultation (I had a panic attack), The Bull however, was on hand to remember the key points i.e. that he was ‘hung like a bull’ which, to be honest I am sure the Doctor did not say in quite so many words…..

We received a copy of the letter that Ken sent to our GP which generally stated that we were both healthy and there was no real reason why we had not conceived so far. To see what we had discussed in black and white was a shock and I was quite upset when I read it. I think it was the fear of further examination to see if my tubes were blocked. Again this was a procedure they could undertake at Nottingham (laparoscopy) – although they stated that because I had no belly button it would probably be easier if I arranged an ultra sound (HyCoSy tubal assessment - £300).

But then, after all that, I actually fell pregnant approximately one month after the consultation. Thereby negating any further visits. I at least proved that I could get pregnant. What happens next remains to be seen.....

Our Biggest Mistake

Looking back over the last year or so, I believe our biggest mistake was telling my mother and brother that we had started trying for a baby. Up until the day when I told her we were pregnant, I had never seen my mother quite so excited (and tearful). Now I wish I had never mentioned it. Initially this was because she started telling stories about her and my dad and how they tried for two years – way too much information - but I believe now it only added more stress every month when nothing had happened....

You start something like this and it is like carrying a huge secret around with you. You want to ask questions of your friends who have children but you know that would lead down a one way road. Then there was the issue of what if it did not happen. The Bull was adamant he didn’t want people knowing in case he was a jaffa! Now people will shy away from ever mentioning the subject again. I am not sure whether this is a good or bad thing....

We did visit the Dr very early on but other than a discussion about folic acid there was not much she could really say. We visited her again in March 2007 when we were referred to CARE in Nottingham. I then had a FSH blood test done prior to this appointment as requested.